DNGILB: Trust me, I'm a doctor.

I feel that 98% of "Christians" do NOT really get how mind blowing Jesus really is. He is not "my homeboy"... he is the author of everything. He is master of everything, who humbled himself to enter his creation to redeem his creation. He was not created. He has never not been. He has ALWAYS been. he exists outside of time and matter. He loves an lives within me. A few years ago, I was exhausted emotionally and spiritually. Life, harder than ever fathomed it could be. I was ready to leave this world. Flying to vacations, I secretly hoped the plane would crash. From this place of exhaustion, pain, and destitution came help from a Jesus I claimed to know since I was a child... Claimed to follow. I claimed him to be Lord of my life. But he was not. I had not chosen to follow him. Not whole heartedly. My will opposed submission to his... Whatever it might be. When I reached a low point of personal exhaustion, I threw my hands up and said, "okay, I'll do i

What made today different? I don't know. But instead of moving through the day with hope and peace... I just felt angry and hopeless. I hurt. I felt like saying "Screw you God! What are you waiting on?! I'm just going to gratify myself in whatever the hell I want because you obviously aren't going to do anything for me!" After this tantrum passed, I resolved to not do all the crap my sinful nature wanted to do. I love my wife and I want to honor her. I love my God... the very one who I was blaming for not showing up. So, I diverted my evil and prayed. Then I basically just fell into some self-pity and depression. I sent out a text asking for some prayer. God seemed so silent and distant. My wife felt the same. She felt resolved to a belief that God had bad plans for her... And was taunting her with hopes and dreams... So he could defeat her. It made no logical sense, but the feelings were overwhelming. So, I acknowledge her feelings. I empathized with her.

We were flying back from California... Climbing in altitude. Passing through dense clouds. Visibility five feet. Peaceful. I love the ascent. I love the feeling of sinking back into the seat from the G-force.  Suddenly a loud crack. Flash of light right out of the engine! My heart races. The first thought through my mind, "ENGINE IS OUT! WE'RE GOING DOWN! This is it... I'm going to die!" A few seconds, it dawned on me. It was lighting. I am alive. David

True love is what you have for another person.  1 Corinthians 13:5 says, “[love] is not self-seeking.”  When most people say, “I miss you,” I feel like they are actually saying, “I feel lonely, and I want you here so you can make me feel better.” That is NOT true love. That is self-seeking.  If I were to tell you that I miss you, it could be conveying that I feel lonely, unloved, abandoned, bored, unfulfilled… and it’s your responsibility to make me feel better. You can even take it a step further and assume that I am blaming your absence for my negative feelings. This would be a guilt tactic and it is the opposite of love. I plan on trying to avoid that phrase. Instead, I will say, “I look forward to seeing you.” It takes the negativity out of the communication. If I have “true love” for you… I look forward to seeing you so that I can love ON YOU, serve YOU, make YOU feel better. That is the opposite of self-seeking. That is serving, much the way Jesus served the people he lov

I made this with the infamous Brian Franklin. It was a lot of fun, and I think it turned out pretty well. The Pour-Over Coffee Brewing Method (pourover) from DoubleShot Coffee Company on Vimeo .

It had been a difficult few weeks for my wife. First a really potent upper respiratory virus. After that finally cleared, there was what seemed to be a recurrence of C. diff and with it, an increase in abdominal pain and nausea. Couple that with pretty bad migraines almost daily. Oh, and for no apparent reason her left wrist swelled up and was exquisitely painful to the point she couldn't use her left arm at all! She felt "why me?!" But I saw her holding on to faith that God still has a good plan... for a little while. The final blow came in the form of good news of a friend becoming pregnant. While this is good, it was like a spotlight on my wife's fear that God did not have a family in the plans for her. With the news she felt defeated. Unloved by God. The lingering doubts about God's love for her just blossomed into something crushingly large. I lovingly tried to confront this quick change of belief, but she confirmed. She no longer believed God loved her.

Recently I had a single person ask me if marriage was difficult. I'm not sure I can make a statement that rings true in all and for all marriages.   My experience of marriage has been intertwined with my wife's difficult health problems. Thus my perspective has been colored. Facing life in the midst of these health problems has been the most difficult experience of my life. What I can say about marriage is that I was lied to almost my entire life. God did not invent marriage to "make us happy"... The lie propagated by nearly every facet of American society as a whole. A lie left largely un-refuted by church, or so it seemed to me. "Oh, he makes me so happy!" and then when he doesn't make you happy any longer... "I just don't love him anymore". Divorce then follows. The now single person starts looking for another source of happiness. The cycle repeats, as the broken and imperfect person seeks the wrong remedy. I do not mean to say that you

I had always thought of faith as something I muster out of my own strength. God recently challenged me on this through an RC Sproul podcast. So, I began praying, asking God to give me faith. God's word supports this approach. "Jesus is the author and perfecter of faith." Hebrews 12:2 Jesus said, "Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me." John 15:4 So, in this case the fruit of faith does not come from myself alone, but from Jesus who is the vine. This past week,  I prayed daily that God would give me more faith. I noticed a pronounced difference. I had challenges this week... challenges that in the weeks and months past had had derailed my sense of peace. In that loss of peace I even questioned if God was really there. This week seemed different. Storms came up, but I remained at peace that God was with me and that there was nothing to fear. I

I've been told this many times... When women have a problem, they want their man to LISTEN!!! to their feelings. But what do us men do? We try and FIX... and... this drives us both crazy! Even though I know this is what my wife wants, I find it VERY difficult to do. Almost impossible! Why wouldn't you want to solve the problem??? Just telling the problem doesn't get rid of the problem, it still exists... Isn't it unloving of me to not try and help? Let's fix this and experienced the freedom of "a problem solved". Several weeks ago, I had something very unusual happen. I had feelings... No, that's not new, but I tried to share them with my wife... THAT is new, or at least rare. What do men usually do? Bury their feelings! I'm guilty of this... and it's not the healthiest way to live. So, in an effort to be more emotionally healthy and connected with my wife I took a new route... I shared. First, I took a walk to sort through everything..

Three weeks ago I received two pieces of mail on the same day. The first, a request from John 3:16 Mission asking for $1.92. This is a local non-profit organization who put on a Thanksgiving dinner for those who are down and out. The request said simply that for $1.92 they could feed someone a Thanksgiving dinner. I remember getting these in years past and simply discarding it and thinking... "I bet they paid almost a dollar every time they send that out." This year I was jogged out of this line of thinking by the second piece of mail. In the next envelope I received a solicitation to complete a survey. To entice me to fill this survey out, they enclosed two crisp $1 bills. "Hmm... I could just put this two dollars in the John 3:16 envelope and I'm not out any money, and someone gets a meal!" So, that's exactly what I did. Sadly I admit, I felt pretty good about myself.  Tonight, I went through the day's mail. The first envelope... "Hmm... John 3:

God's love for us is constant. Life is not. All of my emotions, peace, joy, hope, fear, anguish, sadness, etc have been following the ebb and flow of life. How do I get my heart and my emotions to stay steady on the constancy of God's love? I believe this is possible. I once read "George Muller of Bristol". A lovely but dry and factual biography of a man who had so much faith that he almost delighted in the trials of life, because he couldn't wait to see how God will deliver "this time". I don't think this is a change I can force on myself... rather, I must let God take me where he must. The Holy Spirit will be the instigator of change within my heart as I seek God in all circumstances. "Father, I pray that you change me. I don't want to be tossed about on the waves of life. I want to have peace and joy knowing you are my loving father who will provide." David “Come on!” Jesus said. Peter then got out of the boat and started walking on

Father, Prepare my wife and I to receive your miracle. In Jesus name, Amen.

For the past few years, as life has been difficult, I have experienced a wide array of emotions, thoughts, and actions. Many of them I find frightening, saddening, or disgusting. Thoughts from a desperate soul. I often felt so hopeless. God felt so far away. “He must not love me.” This is false... But it was from that place of doubt (almost “conviction” that God didn’t care about me) that out spilled “the unspeakable”... Or so I thought. I felt that my wife had enough stress in her life. “Don’t add to her stress by sharing your feelings.” I thought. I felt that my wife had enough to worry about. “Don’t tell your wife your emotional needs and desires. Just suck it up and bury it.” I worried she wouldn’t believe I would love her through this tough time. “Don’t share that mistake! Or she will really not trust that you are going to stick it out through sickness and in health.” All of those things are false. They are lies from the father of lies... designed to kill intimacy betwee

The past several weeks since my last blog have been a swirl of emotions. At times, I felt pretty good. Other times, horrible. Discontented. Hopeless. Faithless. There were times that I was yelling at God. Anger! (at him) Sadness for my lifel. I felt abandoned... neglected... by him. Does he love me? Does he care? When my wife's health is good, it is easy to feel good. When she feels poorly, it is easy to lose hope and feel utter despair. It is from these places that I find myself almost challenging God, "Come on! Work good here! Isn't that what you do? Work good even in bad circumstances?!" So far... He continues to deliver. God delivered again. At first, it came as a conviction. I have boundary problems. In addition to crossing over the fence of my wife's boundaries and trying to manage her life... I self impose all kinds of responsibilities on myself that take their toll on my emotional state. Responsibilities that nobody asked me to emotionally own, yet I do

It is said, "A house divided will fall." I have been praying for more than a year that God would unite my wife and I in a unified vision for our marriage. A shared purpose. A calling if you will. Of course there is the obvious, "Tell people about Christ." As well as, "glorifying God in all that we do." But these statements are broad and apply to every follower of Christ. What I was praying for was something that my wife and I can unite together, as a team, in order to pursue. Something worth fighting for. As my previous blog described, God seemed to move in us as we prayed for our future children. That God would make us uncommon parents. Parents that don't fit in with the rest of America, because we fit in better with the Kingdom of God. The mission: raise kingdom minded world changers. Several days went by and I was reading a book that I thought was totally unrelated to parenting. The author shifted gears for a chapter and started describing ways to h

It seemed like any of the previous days before it. But things were different. Our progress of faith, seemed to take a backslide. Moments before this avalanche had occurred, I heard words of faith from my bride. “We need to pray from a place of faith. Not just asking God for healing, but praying as though it has already been granted.” This made sense to me. Quickly coming to mind was: Philippians 4:6-7 - "Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel." The part about “with thankful hearts” means that you believe God will and has answered. I was encouraged by my wife’s faith. Not more than a few hours later, all of this seemed to have unraveled. “I just need to accept that this is my life. And deal with the pain. Accept that I won’t

I've often heard Christians quote the Bible... err.. MISquote the Bible. They say, "Then I just remind myself that God says He won't give me more than I can handle." I think one of the tactics of our enemy is to take God's truth, and spin it. Just enough of a twist so that the true meaning is perverted into something harmful and misleading. The truth is: 1 Corinthians 10:13 "No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful he will not let you be TEMPTED beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it." Note how different that is! People think God won't give them situations and trials to face that THEY ALONE cannot handle. We too often try to handle these trials WITHOUT God. Note my friend's statement in the opening paragraph, "more than I can handle." They use "I"... "I" does not include God's unlimited power. This st

Periodically, I feel convinced God wants me to spend time with him in the morning... before I start my day. I get excited and I focused. I last about 4 days, then revert back to the "whenever I can squeeze it in," mentality. Earlier in life, before life was substantially more difficult, I could not tell any added benefit from the early morning "God time." More recently, I can. When I read God's word and pray at night, I'm usually licking my wounds by the end of the day. Picking up the pieces... asking God to "put humpty dumpty back together again." In contrast, when I spend my mornings with God... the trouble still comes, but I seemed emotionally and spiritually prepared for it. I navigated my day with more grace. By nightfall, there were no major wounds to lick. No pieces to put back together. Just minor scrapes and bruises. Small enough as to not cause any troublesome pain. I'm starting to see each day as a spiritual battle. If I wait till ni

Things have been on the upswing. My emotional state. My hope. My faith. Everything was improving. Things were getting better for my wife, too. Her health seemed to be making progress, her outlook on life. Her faith. Her hope... Increasing. It felt like the attacks by our enemy, Satan, were diminishing. Or possibly he was just changing strategy. His current strategy, was to worsen my wife’s health on the day of our appointments for Christian counseling. (Don’t worry, no marital problems, just trying to deal with life in a better way.) But the counseling had been rough for her because of this. Yet, I saw the Holy Spirit at work within my wife! I had been a serious prayer warrior. There was a large health obstacle for her to get passed to make it to each session. Once arrived, she was focused, and would really get after it. Engaged with the work God was doing in her... in us.

The first few days in Laguna Beach have been great. The constant battle against health problems and strategies of our enemy who wants to destroy hope (and us) seem to be held at bay. We are getting much needed rest and restoration... Oh, but how quickly things can change. Vacation day 3, everything changes. On the way to breakfast, my wife is hit with a serious wave of nausea. She thought she was going to be sick. She marks out the path to the bathroom in case of emergency. The nausea gives way to severe bad abdominal pain. We had already ordered food, so instead of going back to the house she lays in the parked car while the rest of us try and finish up. The pain didn't really begin to let up till late afternoon. It's nothing new, we should be used to it... but I felt very discouraged. I journaled to God my raw emotions. "God. Father. I feel scared. I feel this sense of future defeat... Like I might as well just give up now and stop trying to really live life... and

There is a trail in midtown. It used to be a railroad track. It snakes around behind expensive houses. There are big trees, dense wooded areas. Eventually it breaks free from the houses and empties onto an wooden bridge that spans the river. I was due a run in my quest to be physically and emotionally healthy, so I ventured out. Early into my run, I pass by a man. He looked very homeless. Long unkempt hair. Wild bushy beard. Clothes that are quite out of season. Why do so many homeless people wear a jacket or trench coat even in the heat of summer?! Anyways, this gentleman caught my attention differently than most of the homeless people I see walking this trail. He had an old suitcase. It was brown leather, like a saddle. It was worn, but still looked sturdy. It looks like a suitcase that should have traveled all around the country in the back of a 1960's Buick. This man stood still in the middle of the path, facing the east. Motionless.

I have a memory from my youth. I cannot remember exactly when I had this thought… Bu t  I remember the thought clearly. I was probably in high school at the time. I recognized that some people have been though very difficult times in life. Tragedies. Horrible evils inflicted upon them, though they were innocent victims. These tough times leaves them emotionally wounded, broken. I saw them as defective. I guess most people would just say they “have baggage.” This means, they’re a gamble. I remember thinking, “I don’t want to marry someone who is broken.” I feared their “baggage” would impede or interrupt my pursuit of “happiness”… Which was really just my pursuit of self-indulgent pleasure, comfort, and ease. When I was in my teens, it was all about me. I remembered feeling bad for these broken people. I felt they are still valuable and deserve healthy lives and good things. But I was afraid to enter with them into relationships. More recently I’ve gained a better perspective. I see mor

Bless her heart. My mom is great! But I guess there are just some sayings that you have to learn when you're young. This one must not have existed during my mom's youth. It must be "modern"? or maybe it was regional? I don't know. We ate at a Guatemalan restaurant. Next to the register they had some pastries. "Cheese Poundcake Loaf". My mom wanted to try that. She bought one. When we got into the car, she started unwrapping it... she turns to me and says, "you wanna pinch off my loaf?" I couldn't stop laughing. ;-) "Yah, let me pinch it off!" David

I feel myself guarding against disappointment. I've had my hopes up before, and disappointment came my way. This time I think, "I won't put my hopes in this test or this treatment... though I hope it works. But my deeper Hope (with a capital H) is in God who is ALWAYS faithful." So, if this new treatment doesn't work, I will lean on my faithful heavenly Father who is still leading us THROUGH this valley. He does not stop leading just because this next treatment isn't THE answer. But, I hope it is. He knows what he is doing. He doesn't waste any hurt.

I've heard for decades that as a man and a follower of Christ, I am to be a spiritual leader for my wife. Sounds good. Noble. Holy. I've been married now almost four years. For more than four years I've been quite frustrated in this role. Many attempts seem to cause more of a rift that a holy moment of growth. I've been praying for some time that God would give me wisdom in this role. He is moving. He has brought my attention to some "agreements" I've made that are based on lies from our cunning enemy. You know him as Satan. He is real... and he intends to destroy us.

"Till death do us part." I figured, if I said this... I should also lay down my life for my wife. Every day. Every moment. Sacrifice myself, if that's what she needs. It sounded noble. That's what I've been trying to do for some time now. Yes, there will be times when what I want or feel like doing need to take the back seat. Her health issues may require a change in "my" plans. But for too long, I've pretended that I am some sort of love robot. Just dial in the "service" mode and turn the robot on. It has an endless power supply. Never needs servicing. Never needs anything for itself. At least this is how I was operating in life. I didn't honestly think that I was a robot, void of any rest or recreation requirement. I tell my patients' families to make sure they take care of themselves. Spend a little time each day relaxing and doing something they enjoy so that they can recharge as they are taking care of their hospitalized family

I've had a nice several weeks. My wife has seen some good times, though still some distressing times as well. We traveled to Austin to visit our friend Randy and partake of some of the "SXSW" activities. (That's "South by Southwest" for anyone who didn't know. A music and film festival.) We also made it to Edmond, OK to visit Vanessa's family. I think my favorite memory of this past weekend in Edmond was when I took in the simple pleasure of a beautiful spring dusk. I had a cool breeze blowing across my face while watching a "V" of Canadian geese flying across the sky as my wife was smiling and laughing as she was kidding around in the front yard with her 10 year old sister Preslie. God, thank you! I'm literally with tears rolling down my face as I remember that scene. How it felt in my soul. Just peace and contentment. Love. God's blessing. Seeing my wife full of bliss and joy! The simple pleasures he designed for our enjoyment. Hi

There are little whispers of thoughts that occur deep down. I never verbalized mine, but they were there. "Life is never going to turn out the way you'd hoped." or "God has forsaken you." At first I resisted. As the days went by and I kept getting smacked in the face by these little whispers, I cracked. I said, "it's true." Again, these thoughts were never verbalized or shared, but they killed hope. What happens next? A resignation. A denouncing of God's promise. I felt "I'm really not ever going to have any lasting joy." What do you do when you believe that? For me, I felt that in life... I'd just have to "grind it out"... Do what I'm supposed to do. Because I belong to God. Joy, though, wasn't an option. I'd have to settle for periodic "relief". Relief in the form of little distractions that cause me to feel good for just a little bit, before I have to face reality again. This is the plot of t

Working in a hospital can be gross. Not too long ago, one of the physical therapists and a PT student were walking an old dude down the hall… Old-Dude reaches back behind his gown and pulls out a turd. Hands it to the PT student. He takes it from him and runs it to the bathroom while the more seasoned PT keeps on walking Old-Dude. They make it back to the room… Old-Dude pulls out yet another turd… hands it off… and crawls up into bed. Nice walk. Killed two birds with one stone… well, lets call it two birds and two “stones”... HA!!! The PT student got an A for professionalism. Well done sir... well done. David

Not too infrequently, I come across patients who are experts at giving extemporaneous detail. I've mentioned this before, but I had such a classic case recently it drove me to blog, yet again. He could have summed it up as, "I took four baby aspirin." Or better yet, "I took aspirin." Instead, he went the verbose route. "Well, as I was walking out of the house... well, actually, I wasn't out of the house, my wife was coming into the house, but I told her that I just didn't feel right and I know that you just discharged me but this was completely different and since I had a heart surgery I was concerned it could have been a heart attack so as I was walking with the wife through the kitchen on the way to the garage I saw the bottle of aspirin on the counter. It was baby aspirin. We leave it out on the counter. We don't have any little kids around the place so its not dangerous or anything. It's just me and the misses and the wiener dog. Anyways

A few blogs ago, I relearned a lesson of praising God even when in pain. My way of praising was to recognize and praise God for all of the wonderful attributes of himself and other areas in my life that feel blessed. God said... "That's great. But its not enough!" Yesterday came and seemed it would shape up to be a decent day. Things changed. Vanessa had a bad pain descend on her abdomen and it was unrelenting. Usually, the pain comes in a wave. Coming. Going. This time, it came and stayed. She took some pain medicine. Curled up in a ball. Prayers sent up asking for speedy relief. I texted some friends and family asking for their powerful prayer as well. Thank you for the prayers. Before pain had a chance to be relieved, my wife sought God. Isn't this why God created pain? It is to direct us to address a problem, turning to Him.

Do other people think and feel? You wouldn't know it by looking at their faces. You wouldn't know it by talking with them. You may have the belief that I think and feel more than most people... if you read this blog. It is so exposed. Or so it seems. Yet there are a host of others thoughts and pools of emotions that I do not bear on this blog. They are even deeper. More raw. Not held up and examined, "Do I really feel this way? Do I really believe this?" Instead, they are pure impulse... and question. This blog is an exposition of the consistent currents of emotion and thoughts that have been examined... pondered on... and many a question, brought to an answer. There is more behind your experience of an emotion than most of us are aware of, at a personal level.

This was from one of my earliest posts... Now, remixed... into a poem. --------------- They say a man’s body decreases in mass by 21 grams when he dies... “Proof” the soul exists... “Proof” it departs from the place he lies. Tonight I witnessed something new, the body and soul depart. A man coded on the floor, we were called to respond, to do our part. ET tube slides down past the cords, CPR resumes. Epi and atropine given, we got him back! As though robbing him from a tomb. He seemed to have a few reflexes intact, Though unable to respond. Pupils dilated and fixed. Death he began to don. Dopamine was started. Family round the bed. Pressures too low, we titrated, Trying to keep vitals out of the red. As pressures improved, he began to move. Then, from nowhere... he opened his eyes!

As things turn, for better for worse, so turns my soul. All is well, then well is lost. Peace gives way, to doubt and hopelessness. As I cry out, God delivers. Great peace abounds, Even as the rains pour down. (Repeat... ad infinitum.) How many times must I experience God showing up in my crisis, before my hopelessness is replaced by a steadfast faith? Just a few days ago... He did it again. Just as he has before. In the storms of life... He is there. Yet some how, repeatedly, I doubt, I question, I shout. Till manifest, his power is made. Until He announces: "I am here. Where is your faith, child?!! I've never lost control. There is peace offered to you, because I am in you. Always. I will lead you through the darkness and into to better days." I think of George Muller of Bristol. His faith, unshakable. Though obstacles arose, he didn't lament and pine away... He expectantly awaited his faithful Father would save the day... He knew he'd show up! In response to pr

Pounding my fist into my steering wheel, over and over. Face contorted from anger and deep anguish. I shout out at the top of my lungs, “heal us or kill us God. HEAL US OR KILL US!!” I drive home from work to tend to my wife. Yet another abdominal migraine complicating her severe post-infectious IBS. Who thought it could ever be this bad?! It’s SO bad. A few years back, I missed recognizing her acute appendicitis... because it’s so often, THAT severe. It’s been three years now. The pendulum of health swings back and forth, from good... to hell. But its an irregular swing, defying Newtonian physics, spending too much time on the side of the bad. When things change for the better, our hopes and joys fly, soaring for the heavens from which they came. “She’s getting better, normal life just around the corner!” Then, often with little warning, things turn for the worse. Our dreams fall. When they fall, they fall hard... shattering to millions of bleeding pieces. Our hopes of having a family

Over dramatic? I don’t think so. This “Snowstorm 2011” has been a piece to the puzzle in my spiritual journey. I went for a walk today. Still a foot of snow on the ground. I walk in the packed snow covered streets through my neighborhood. Sun is finally out. Gone are the gloom inspiring clouds of gray. It’s bright. Almost warm when the sun hits the bare skin, but the slight breeze whisks the subfreezing air across my skin and reminds me, it is cold out. I could have been fooled. The birds were fooled. Chirping all around me. I don’t even notice the freezing of my breath, though it must have been there. I don’t know if snow has a scent, but the air smelled clean, clear, and mountain like. Pinion pine is burning in a neighbors fireplace. "God, one day, can I live in the mountains? Please let it be so... this is almost heaven." Travel was slow. Traction at a minimum, you must move slow to avoid an embarrassing fall. They can bruise both the ego... and the coccyx, you know. I mak

It came down in swirls and gusts. At times obscuring the view of my neighbor’s house across the street. Their house has the architectural style that begs for a mountain lot, perhaps Colorado... and now, finally it enjoys the weather befitting its personality. It looks complete. By evening time, the world had been translated into a high contrast monochromatic wonderland. All of the deadness of winter now covered up by a 14” thick blanket of pure white snow; beauty. There were drifts, blown by the wind, they try to swallow up even the biggest of cars, mailboxes, and the occasional house. As the next two days unfold, I realize the snow swallowed up even more. Gone was busyness, shopping, deadlines, timelines, work, traffic jams, road rage, the call of materialism, and a multitude of other dimensions of this American life. I watch my neighbor through my big picture window struggling with his truck. He tries to get out of the driveway, but instead spends two hours shoveling futilely, finall

The improvements in my wife’s health have relaxed over the past several days. It felt like things were slipping away, for the worse. Fears of another very difficult stretch of life were creeping into my mind. I also felt doubts. Doubt that God is good. Doubt that God is in control and working to brings good things to those who love him. This time, I did not indulge my low feelings or my doubts. I fought them. I prayed that God would defeat them and help me to live with by faith, not by sight or reason. “God, fill me with the Holy Spirit and make his voice loud in my soul.” I watched a sermon on spiritual warfare and a second on the Holy Spirit. I felt I was refocusing on God and living my life according to his faithfulness. I read in God’s word from Psalms when King David was delivered from the hands of his enemies who had kept him on the run and in hardship fearing for his very life. He felt like God wasn’t doing anything to deliver him for a long time; his heart ached. He kept moving

I believe God is teaching me an important lesson. He is more powerful than I. Shocking, I know. Yet, I'd estimate that we all behave like we are both more powerful and wise than God himself. I’ve noticed in the past that even when I had an enlightened and scripturally sound piece of advice for someone’s particular dilemma, though I spoke it, it was not received. I then turned to prayer... and in the matter of days, the unreceptive person came to the conviction to which I had attempted to lead. This pattern has happened time and time again. Fast forward to the current; I am conducting a group on Facebook to promote daily reading of God’s word as I did for the first time in 2010. I called it Pursuit365. My experience has so transformed my heart, life and actions and given me a hope and a future that I want to see other people’s lives affected the way mine has. Many people started this group quite enthusiastic and energized... then they start to fall away. Quickly. It’s been a mere tw

I didn't kiss a girl until I was the ripe age of 22. Pathetic. I had plenty of desire to kiss a girl, don't get me wrong. I was just painful awkward internally. I think I projected a fair amount of confidence, but like a coward, I stayed away from any and all social risk. I'm not entirely sure why. I remember in high school, a co-ed pointed out to me that if I was ever going to get a girlfriend I needed to be able to "look a girl in the eye"... Maybe I didn't project confidence after all; I felt shame that she noticed my flaw. I remember having many such moments, even from an early age. I was around six years of age, a mature six I believed in my mind, when a hostess at Quail Creek said, "what a handsome young man"... Hide me. Hide me. Don't cry! Be strong... I was mortified yet again. Ridiculous as it was, that is what I felt... SHAME. This event left a powerful memory burned into the retina of my hippocampus like a cigarette igniting a C

An 84 year old man told me this one morning, "I woke up standing against the wall with some young guy holding me... There was blood everywhere! I thought maybe I'd killed someone!" An old and quite obese lady with a deep smoker frog voice had her gown pulled down quite a bit for all to see... She looks down and says "sexy, ain't it." I posed the question "whats going on today?" to this little old war vet with no legs, only one arm, and one finger... He replied, "I'm just trying to get a nice piece of ass." I told this older gentleman, "well, the drug screen came up positive for cocaine." he replies, "oh... I think someone was smoking it near me." David

"only a real risk tests the reality of a belief" - CS LEWIS. Without the supremely difficult times in life, your "belief" in God is merely a shadow of a belief until it has been put to the test of a grave risk. I have been put to the test of steep risk over these past several years. I have seen the darkest and most hopeless seeming days. I cried out in the severe agony of seemingly eternal night. However, I always had a keen sense that I had to choose whether or not to stand by my faith and call on my Lord to deliver me. Mind you, this is the very same lord that sent me out into this nocturnal desert, fully aware of the sheer pain I was to encounter. Can I trust Him who knowingly sacrificed me into this kind of suffering for the sake of another to deliver me... or at minimum sustain, me?? Shall stand by my belief. Shall I continue to serve? Shall I continue to "lose my life" or "die to myself"??????? As painful as it was, I always answered thos