I didn't kiss a girl until I was the ripe age of 22. Pathetic.
I had plenty of desire to kiss a girl, don't get me wrong. I was just painful awkward internally. I think I projected a fair amount of confidence, but like a coward, I stayed away from any and all social risk. I'm not entirely sure why. I remember in high school, a co-ed pointed out to me that if I was ever going to get a girlfriend I needed to be able to "look a girl in the eye"... Maybe I didn't project confidence after all; I felt shame that she noticed my flaw.
I remember having many such moments, even from an early age.
I was around six years of age, a mature six I believed in my mind, when a hostess at Quail Creek said, "what a handsome young man"... Hide me. Hide me. Don't cry! Be strong... I was mortified yet again. Ridiculous as it was, that is what I felt... SHAME. This event left a powerful memory burned into the retina of my hippocampus like a cigarette igniting a California grass fire that burns down a whole neighborhood of million dollar homes... (Don't worry. I know the hippocampus doesn't have a retina, but that's how vivid it was!) I can still picture the podium she stood behind as she so carelessly and dangerously complemented me.
I slowly grew past this. Emphasis on the "slowly".
I was a sophomore in college before I had a legitimate date. Kim let me hold her hand... For about 3 minutes before she pretended to need the hand back to make hand gestures to describe a ride at the fair. To my defense, I think I was the first guy she ever dated. Maybe she was more awkward than I? Probably not. She gave me no opportunity for a kiss that night or any night, and after I forgot my wallet on a lunch date... It was over.
It was a slow and steady metamorphosis, but in med school... I had developed confidence. I could get a girls number within 5 minutes of first meeting AND get a date with her when I called. I could even make out with her :-) With confidence.
All these were necessary skills, honed to a rough but honest edge. Necessary skills for meeting and wooing Vanessa... Now almost 4 years my wife. It all worked out in time. In good, slow, awkward time.
David
I had plenty of desire to kiss a girl, don't get me wrong. I was just painful awkward internally. I think I projected a fair amount of confidence, but like a coward, I stayed away from any and all social risk. I'm not entirely sure why. I remember in high school, a co-ed pointed out to me that if I was ever going to get a girlfriend I needed to be able to "look a girl in the eye"... Maybe I didn't project confidence after all; I felt shame that she noticed my flaw.
I remember having many such moments, even from an early age.
I was around six years of age, a mature six I believed in my mind, when a hostess at Quail Creek said, "what a handsome young man"... Hide me. Hide me. Don't cry! Be strong... I was mortified yet again. Ridiculous as it was, that is what I felt... SHAME. This event left a powerful memory burned into the retina of my hippocampus like a cigarette igniting a California grass fire that burns down a whole neighborhood of million dollar homes... (Don't worry. I know the hippocampus doesn't have a retina, but that's how vivid it was!) I can still picture the podium she stood behind as she so carelessly and dangerously complemented me.
I slowly grew past this. Emphasis on the "slowly".
I was a sophomore in college before I had a legitimate date. Kim let me hold her hand... For about 3 minutes before she pretended to need the hand back to make hand gestures to describe a ride at the fair. To my defense, I think I was the first guy she ever dated. Maybe she was more awkward than I? Probably not. She gave me no opportunity for a kiss that night or any night, and after I forgot my wallet on a lunch date... It was over.
It was a slow and steady metamorphosis, but in med school... I had developed confidence. I could get a girls number within 5 minutes of first meeting AND get a date with her when I called. I could even make out with her :-) With confidence.
All these were necessary skills, honed to a rough but honest edge. Necessary skills for meeting and wooing Vanessa... Now almost 4 years my wife. It all worked out in time. In good, slow, awkward time.
David
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