Felt heavy today. Aware that one day I will die. I face this awareness fairly often. It's a job hazard. I see old people dying slowly. That's my job. But, today... it feels especially evident that one day I too will die. Though it may be 60 years from now, I still wonder... Will my life have a lasting meaning? Felt heavy today. Aware of our infertility. Would I feel better if my genes could live on? Would that make me immortal? Does it mean my life would have a meaning that it wouldn't otherwise have? What if we adopted? The love and wisdom I impart on a baby/child's life... that would have meaning that would last beyond my death.... right? Would that make me happier in my knowledge of my mortality? Is that the wrong motivation to move me towards it? Wouldn't it be enough to know that the love I express in this world will make a difference beyond my lifespan? Today, it doesn't feel like enough. Am I being selfish or vain? Wanting to have a legacy? I was vo