DNGILB: Trust me, I'm a doctor.

Early on in their lives, newly wedded and greatly in love, this couple fell into a difficult period in life. A great and terrible illness arose. It caused the woman terrible pain and severe nausea. Life seemed to be a constant struggle... at times she thought she would die. At times her husband felt so helpless and hopeless that he wished they would both die in some terrible accident. "Life is just too painful! All my dreams are dead! There is no hope, only pain!" He thought to himself. Yet Jesus had never left the couple. Three years had gone by because the Holy Spirit was not yet finished working in their hearts, preparing them for a future whereby God would be glorified. Not only that, but Jesus had been with them the whole time! Even so, the couple cried out to him, "Jesus, don't you care that we are suffering greatly?! Where are you! Are you punishing us??!!! are you even real??!!" As time moved on, the Holy Spirit worked in their hearts and lives. They wer

I remember back to 1997. My golf coach in college, Steve Hulsey, told me about how powerful running is as a stress reliever and antidepressant. I half way believed him. I was also acutely aware that being forced to run at 6:00 AM to "improve my golf game" was painful... and I hated it. I remember one such run when it was about 30 degrees outside. Breathe through your nose for a minute... freezing cold PAIN! Switch... Breathe through your mouth... freezing cold PAIN. Continue alternating breathing techniques, trying to minimize the damage. Afterwards, I strangely smelled dog food everywhere I went for about two days. My non scientific conclusion, I traumatized my olefactory nerve with the cold air. Don't worry, it went away... and NO it wasn't my breath, and NO I didn't have a pocket full of dog food. The last time I ran it was the year 2000. Recently, there were two separate influences that contributed to my attempt to begin running again. So far, I've logged

I feel God is still working in my heart during this trial. I feel a little more peace of late. I still have a strong desire for the trial to end, but I see and enjoy the beauty in life despite the pain. The beauty is God's love and my wife's heart. It wasn't too long ago, that I couldn't see past the pain. God is growing my faith. My faith that he is still here with us. My faith that he has good plans for us. My faith that he will deliver my wife's body to healing... this is a trial, one that will end. My grandfather once said, "It's the tough times that make life worth living." I think there was some profound wisdom in his statement. We have something profound to fight for... Love. And I know that when we are delivered from this trial, that I will have wonderful growth in my heart to show for it. If you asked me months ago, "If you knew then what you know now about what life would be like married... would you still say yes?" I believe I wou

My wife went to bed early. I didn't want to make a bunch of noise... Listening to music via the ear bud. Two hours of imagination capturing crazy music. I feel like myself. Hello self. Welcome home. I need to listen to my music more often. Thank you Sufjan. Thank you Portishead. Thank you Beach House. Good night. David

I remember when I was about 7, I learned the importance of following directions. I guess its every dad's duty to teach his son some important lessons. This was one. Now, he didn't just sit me down and explain the importance. No. My dad knew that a lesson with an emotional "tag" would be remembered much more vividly than a dry and boring lecture. It was my first attempt at water skiing. He bought a special water ski set for children. You see, one of the difficulties of skiing with two skis is that its easy to do the splits. So, the makers of these skis tied the skis together at an appropriate width. Problem solved. This isn't the only problem they tried to solve. Sometimes the grip strength needed to hold the handle as the boat goes from standstill to moving is too much for a little kiddo. So, not only were the skis tied together, but the rope is tied to the front of the skis. There was a separate short piece of rope from the skis front to the handle which I held

Music. Music contains the power to completely change the way you feel. Often in just a few simple minutes. A song can connect you to what your soul has been trying to tell you for weeks. A song can help you release and purge heart ache. A song can connect you to God himself... Facilitating his life changing love to wash over you. Tears of joy streaming down your cheeks. There are some songs that I cannot even listen to at this point in my life... They unleash the pain that I try to forget. Mostly songs by Sigur Ros. Currently, on a friends recommendation, I listen to Beach House's "silver soul". This is my fourth listen in a row... And it's helping. Helping me to find meaning in my pain... In my life. A bigger purpose. Determination. Rest. Peace. Perseverance... I can do this. I chose to do this... I want to do this. God... I am yours. Sustain me... Be glorified by my life. Help me to serve you. David

At times, I exhaust. Everything spent... the trial weighing too heavy. It's too much to bare. Such was this past Sunday. It was a good Saturday, and a wonderful Saturday night! We enjoyed getting out of the house that evening. Nothing special to many, but to us any time we are able to enjoy an evening... it is amazing. No, we didn't paint the town red. Simply, a trip to Target, then to Mod's for some gelato. It was bliss. Later, we lay in bed holding each other... kissing... laughing... pure heaven. Then at 1:00 am, a hell-storm of pain hit my angel. She in agony and I in anguish we wait for medication to kick in. Ninety minutes later, the storm mostly subsided, my angel drifting to sleep under a haze of narcotics. It is hard to watch, and I cannot imagine how much harder it is to endure directly. The following morning I wept bitterly. Memories of the night before. Seeing my sweetest wife groggy and severely nauseated after the rough early morning hour's, trial I shoute