DNGILB: Trust me, I'm a doctor.

It was an eventful two days. One of my best friends was getting married in Oklahoma City. I was in the wedding and needed to head down the night before. Vanessa was going to go that day but was just too tired of hitting the road and being away from home. She urged me to go on down and she'd come down the next day. This would be very difficult for me. I hadn't spent one night apart from my sweet wife since all of the health difficulties had started. I was too afraid to leave her! What if, what if, what if…. I was scared she would need me and would be all alone. She insisted that she'd be fine. I loaded up, kissed her and hit the road. I cried off an on for about an hour. At times violently. Yelling at God. Begging. Demanding. "Please God, restore my wife to health." I felt angry that he would have ever let this happen to one of the sweetest most beautiful hearts he'd ever created. I could hardly see through my tears to drive at times. I opened the glove box in

I am blogging this from the air. Flying to Orange Co California. A few days ago, I wrote a lengthy blog. It was a pep talk for myself and for others. I had been struggling emotionally, feeling beaten down and discontented. It was a very positive blog. I said all of the right things.... Then, 20 minutes later I couldn't identify or feel any of the good things I wrote about. So, I deleted it. Back to square one... Maybe this plane will crash and our pain will be over. Sound terrible? Probably... to those who haven't suffered for an extended season. I used to look down on people who didn't feel like life was worth living. If you're reading this right now and feeling the same thing. Shame on you, you ignorant fool. Just as I was an ignorant fool. Now, I see clearly, this is a legitimate response to the pain. It's not where you should stay... and you should cry out to God to lift you up. Even a great man like Moses felt this way... in the middle of God's will for h

I used to do many things... I enjoyed them. Golf, wakeboard, play the guitar, write and record songs, play tennis, snow ski and snow board. I now only golf about 3 -4 times a year. I pick up the guitar rarely. The other activities have disappeared. I also used to go see bands play. I saw probably 100 bands in a year. I used to go see the independent films at the art museum in OKC or Circle Cinema in Tulsa. These things are disappearing, but I still enjoy and want to do them all. These things have and are being replaced by other things. Wonderful things, but I think I am neglecting myself... and I need to carve out a little time for some of those things.... at least once a week. dngilb