For the past few years, as life has been difficult, I have experienced a wide array of emotions, thoughts, and actions. Many of them I find frightening, saddening, or disgusting. Thoughts from a desperate soul. I often felt so hopeless. God felt so far away. “He must not love me.” This is false... But it was from that place of doubt (almost “conviction” that God didn’t care about me) that out spilled “the unspeakable”... Or so I thought.
I felt that my wife had enough stress in her life. “Don’t add to her stress by sharing your feelings.” I thought.
I felt that my wife had enough to worry about. “Don’t tell your wife your emotional needs and desires. Just suck it up and bury it.”
I worried she wouldn’t believe I would love her through this tough time. “Don’t share that mistake! Or she will really not trust that you are going to stick it out through sickness and in health.”
All of those things are false. They are lies from the father of lies... designed to kill intimacy between myself and my spouse. For a long time I listened to those thoughts, and I gave into them. It was working according to the enemy plan. It WAS killing intimacy. It was killing our bonds of love. “Who are you?” I often wondered.
More recently, God has been revealing truth to me. Through an anointed counselor and some wonderful books, God has been showing me where I was going wrong as a husband. He showed me how to change. It wasn’t easy. It was actually terrifying to “start sharing”... But it went well. Each time, I found myself dragging my feet... procrastination out of fear. I finally obeyed and shared what was on my heart. Thankfully, my wife received me with love, gentleness, understanding, and support. It was AMAZING. Heart strings reconnected. I felt so loved! I AM SO IN LOVE! It quite honestly blew my mind. Love and intimacy was right there waiting for me, but all my fears led me astray.
SHARE. Open up!
Now, I totally get that there is a wrong way to share, and a wrong way to listen to your spouse as well. My sweet wife tried to share some of her emotions with me yesterday... I did the typical guy thing, “I can fix that!” “I can help you see it differently and you won’t have as much worry!”
This didn’t go over so well. I didn’t help her. I created an environment where it isn't safe to feel and to share those feelings. I poisoned intimacy. On the very day that we just got it back! Terrible! Thankfully, the Holy Spirit was there to open my eyes... I repented to both God and wife.
No, I don’t have it all down... All the wrinkles are not ironed out. But I know it is imperative to go down this road! By the grace of God, we will have victory! Growing intimacy!
David
PS. For a wonderful “How to do it right!” On marital intimacy... You must first start with healthy boundaries! I’m reading “Boundaries in Marriage” By Townsend and Cloud. AWESOME.
I felt that my wife had enough stress in her life. “Don’t add to her stress by sharing your feelings.” I thought.
I felt that my wife had enough to worry about. “Don’t tell your wife your emotional needs and desires. Just suck it up and bury it.”
I worried she wouldn’t believe I would love her through this tough time. “Don’t share that mistake! Or she will really not trust that you are going to stick it out through sickness and in health.”
All of those things are false. They are lies from the father of lies... designed to kill intimacy between myself and my spouse. For a long time I listened to those thoughts, and I gave into them. It was working according to the enemy plan. It WAS killing intimacy. It was killing our bonds of love. “Who are you?” I often wondered.
More recently, God has been revealing truth to me. Through an anointed counselor and some wonderful books, God has been showing me where I was going wrong as a husband. He showed me how to change. It wasn’t easy. It was actually terrifying to “start sharing”... But it went well. Each time, I found myself dragging my feet... procrastination out of fear. I finally obeyed and shared what was on my heart. Thankfully, my wife received me with love, gentleness, understanding, and support. It was AMAZING. Heart strings reconnected. I felt so loved! I AM SO IN LOVE! It quite honestly blew my mind. Love and intimacy was right there waiting for me, but all my fears led me astray.
SHARE. Open up!
Now, I totally get that there is a wrong way to share, and a wrong way to listen to your spouse as well. My sweet wife tried to share some of her emotions with me yesterday... I did the typical guy thing, “I can fix that!” “I can help you see it differently and you won’t have as much worry!”
This didn’t go over so well. I didn’t help her. I created an environment where it isn't safe to feel and to share those feelings. I poisoned intimacy. On the very day that we just got it back! Terrible! Thankfully, the Holy Spirit was there to open my eyes... I repented to both God and wife.
No, I don’t have it all down... All the wrinkles are not ironed out. But I know it is imperative to go down this road! By the grace of God, we will have victory! Growing intimacy!
David
PS. For a wonderful “How to do it right!” On marital intimacy... You must first start with healthy boundaries! I’m reading “Boundaries in Marriage” By Townsend and Cloud. AWESOME.
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