DNGILB: Trust me, I'm a doctor.

I look back to blogs I wrote years ago and I wonder what happened to me. I used to observe so many things in me and around me that I would think, "Oh! I have to blog about that!" But now, I go months and months and nothings hits me like that. I used to have many quirky thoughts and observations. Many were funny. Many were thought provoking. But now, it seems that my eye for those things has gone blind. I wondered at this for a little while. Several years back my blogging took a turn. It stopped being fun posts, and it started to be about trying to grasp my God in the middle of my wife's difficult illness. I've deleted many of those blogs because each one was basically the same as the progress in life was so slow. Maybe going thru that trial changed how I see the world. Maybe its just age. I've definitely changed since I was in my twenties. I remember when I was in medical school, going to concerts was amazing. Now it honestly doesn't do much for me. They'

Ten or so days before my wife is supposed to start IVF injections, she develops a colitis flair. It's not severe. Just the earliest of symptoms and we are trying to use the right med to stop it before needing the more powerful medications which would probably prevent us from starting the IVF cycle. So, she is very anxious, rightly so. We have a limited amount of time due to the nature of the reduced ovarian reserve so the thought of a several month delay due to colitis weighs super heavy on her. God, why? Are you doing something? Do you hear our prayers? What do you want? Are we supposed to not do IVF? Why did we feel peace about doing it like you had shown us that path? Now I'm praying: "God, show us your will. We need something sign or word powerful enough to give us clarity about what we are to do at this moment. And I need you to speak to my wife that way, not just to me. This is her experience more than it is mine. Show her loudly what you want for her. What is