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Showing posts from August, 2011

Feelings Can Lead You Astray. Just Share.

For the past few years, as life has been difficult, I have experienced a wide array of emotions, thoughts, and actions. Many of them I find frightening, saddening, or disgusting. Thoughts from a desperate soul. I often felt so hopeless. God felt so far away. “He must not love me.” This is false... But it was from that place of doubt (almost “conviction” that God didn’t care about me) that out spilled “the unspeakable”... Or so I thought. I felt that my wife had enough stress in her life. “Don’t add to her stress by sharing your feelings.” I thought. I felt that my wife had enough to worry about. “Don’t tell your wife your emotional needs and desires. Just suck it up and bury it.” I worried she wouldn’t believe I would love her through this tough time. “Don’t share that mistake! Or she will really not trust that you are going to stick it out through sickness and in health.” All of those things are false. They are lies from the father of lies... designed to kill intimacy betwee

Self-Centeredness and discontentment.

The past several weeks since my last blog have been a swirl of emotions. At times, I felt pretty good. Other times, horrible. Discontented. Hopeless. Faithless. There were times that I was yelling at God. Anger! (at him) Sadness for my lifel. I felt abandoned... neglected... by him. Does he love me? Does he care? When my wife's health is good, it is easy to feel good. When she feels poorly, it is easy to lose hope and feel utter despair. It is from these places that I find myself almost challenging God, "Come on! Work good here! Isn't that what you do? Work good even in bad circumstances?!" So far... He continues to deliver. God delivered again. At first, it came as a conviction. I have boundary problems. In addition to crossing over the fence of my wife's boundaries and trying to manage her life... I self impose all kinds of responsibilities on myself that take their toll on my emotional state. Responsibilities that nobody asked me to emotionally own, yet I do