The past several weeks since my last blog have been a swirl of emotions. At times, I felt pretty good. Other times, horrible. Discontented. Hopeless. Faithless. There were times that I was yelling at God. Anger! (at him) Sadness for my lifel. I felt abandoned... neglected... by him. Does he love me? Does he care? When my wife's health is good, it is easy to feel good. When she feels poorly, it is easy to lose hope and feel utter despair. It is from these places that I find myself almost challenging God, "Come on! Work good here! Isn't that what you do? Work good even in bad circumstances?!" So far... He continues to deliver.
God delivered again. At first, it came as a conviction. I have boundary problems. In addition to crossing over the fence of my wife's boundaries and trying to manage her life... I self impose all kinds of responsibilities on myself that take their toll on my emotional state. Responsibilities that nobody asked me to emotionally own, yet I do. So, again, God worked good out of a bad situation by enlightening me that I had boundary problems. Thankfully, God didn't just leave me there, he gave me a book that will hopefully bring to light Biblical principles to boundaries within the marital arena. Thank you Father.
He delivered even more today. I went to Lifechurch.tv and the sermon was on being bold with our prayers and our lives. What God spoke to me was that I have been way too self-centered. I've been praying lately for me me me! While he loves me deeply and cares about all of my stuff. He also wants me to care about him and his kingdom! Sure, I've always acknowledged that I want God to be glorified through my life... but I've totally lost sight of his bigger purpose. What God wants me to say is, "Father, man... Life is really really hard right now. Please let me experience your love. Help me to have faith and patience. In addition to that, help me to find joy in serving you. This is where you have me and I know your plan is to be glorified through this present situation. Help me to delight in that, and God... to you be the glory. Amen."
David
God delivered again. At first, it came as a conviction. I have boundary problems. In addition to crossing over the fence of my wife's boundaries and trying to manage her life... I self impose all kinds of responsibilities on myself that take their toll on my emotional state. Responsibilities that nobody asked me to emotionally own, yet I do. So, again, God worked good out of a bad situation by enlightening me that I had boundary problems. Thankfully, God didn't just leave me there, he gave me a book that will hopefully bring to light Biblical principles to boundaries within the marital arena. Thank you Father.
He delivered even more today. I went to Lifechurch.tv and the sermon was on being bold with our prayers and our lives. What God spoke to me was that I have been way too self-centered. I've been praying lately for me me me! While he loves me deeply and cares about all of my stuff. He also wants me to care about him and his kingdom! Sure, I've always acknowledged that I want God to be glorified through my life... but I've totally lost sight of his bigger purpose. What God wants me to say is, "Father, man... Life is really really hard right now. Please let me experience your love. Help me to have faith and patience. In addition to that, help me to find joy in serving you. This is where you have me and I know your plan is to be glorified through this present situation. Help me to delight in that, and God... to you be the glory. Amen."
David
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