DNGILB: Trust me, I'm a doctor.

First of all, I was in the ICU. Though my residency program is actually fairly resident friendly, it was still a rough month. Call is “q4”. This means every fourth day of the cycle I spend 30 consecutive hours in the hospital. I still manage to average only 75 for the whole week... but despite the “easy” 75 work week, its really taxing emotionally dealing with death everyday. More accurately, it’s emotionally taxing dealing with the family members of those dying. We hold family meetings. Trying to get family members to see reality... and the gravity of each clinical situation. Just let grandpa die! With comfort. With peace. Instead, many families opt to put their precious loved ones through weeks long torture sessions with what I estimate is a 0.01% chance of a meaningful recovery. Exhausting... 35 days later... it’s over! Second of all, I found out that my second attempt to get into an ophthalmology residency was a failure. Ophthalmology (eye surgeon for all who don't already know

Any resident doctor knows that the pager is our worst enemy. Every intern knows that the worst pager to have is the house officer pager. We all have fantasies of "killing" the pager, our nemesis. Tonight, prior to my long call night in the ICU, I "killed" the house officer pager. It wasn't intentional (at least not consciously). It accidentally slipped off of my belt clip as I was standing near the toilet. I was urinating if you must know. In went the pager! After finding a baby blue latex free glove to put on, I retrieved it from its disgraceful demise (Thankfully the water was “status-post flush”!) Now, rescued from the waters, I hear the poor pager using up its last breath as it cried out for help... it was a pitiful sputtering buzz... no beeps It sounded like a noisy flourescent light bulb for 10 seconds, then... silence. I thought about running it over to the crash cart and putting 360 joules thru its little electronic heart to shock it back into a

My friends and I seem to have more fun sitting around thinking up stupid ideas more than we enjoy going out. The latest example: Nate and Randy came up to Tulsa to visit. We ate a cool restaurant and went to a local bar to see a few bands play. When we got back to my apartment, my girlfriend Vanessa had made beds out of sleeping bags, blankets, and such for the guys to sleep on. Just to be nice! (as she is very nice!). Here is their "stupid idea" of a thank you note which seemed to generate the most mirth of the evening: Dearest Vanessa, Though hast thrilled our hearts with thine making of beds. Our weary bones have found rest within the heavenly grasp of these beds thou did'st create. The gods have truly blessed thee with the skill of 10,000 bed-makers. We shall slumber, oh so sweetly, in thou'est's magnificent tapestries of fine linen's and warm clothes. And on the morrow, our refreshed virile young bodies will dance with thoughts of thou'est's