It seemed like any of the previous days before it. But things were different. Our progress of faith, seemed to take a backslide. Moments before this avalanche had occurred, I heard words of faith from my bride. “We need to pray from a place of faith. Not just asking God for healing, but praying as though it has already been granted.” This made sense to me. Quickly coming to mind was:
Philippians 4:6-7 - "Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel."
The part about “with thankful hearts” means that you believe God will and has answered. I was encouraged by my wife’s faith.
Not more than a few hours later, all of this seemed to have unraveled. “I just need to accept that this is my life. And deal with the pain. Accept that I won’t have children.” I was really caught off guard here! Where did this come from? Where did the faith go? How did this happen?
We talked about it for awhile. I tried to restate my belief that God is in our struggle and does have good plans for her.
Psalm 103:2-5 (NIV) “Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits--- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.”
Yet all my talk, all my prayers, all the scriptures... still I saw within her big doubt. Acceptance of defeat. At this I encouraged her, “When our faith is low, who can deliver us strengthened faith? God. We need to seek him, right now.” I dialed up a Lifechurch.tv sermon that came to mind. I texted a few friends to pray for my wife’s faith and hope and that God would do something great. Prayers started shooting up to the heavens.
As we were going through the sermon, I know I was encouraged. I don’t know what was going on within my wife’s heart and mind. Shortly after that Vanessa started talking about things she would want to do different than the rest of the world regarding raising a family. Breaking of worldly traditions in favor of starting new traditions around holiday’s focused on serving and giving the poor. Rather than the gluttony of the Americanized Christmas holidays. This is something I feel strongly about too. Just read my blog “Why I feel sad at Christmas.”
I began to pray out loud. I prayed like this:
“Father, I come before you now with my wife. I lift her up to you. You have blessed her not only with a desire for children, but a deeper desire to raise children to be uncommon. To stand out from the rest of the world as Christ followers. Children who are a Kingdom minded people who live differently... to be world changers for Christ. Father I know the kind of parents you would desire us to be, and I acknowledge that we could never be those types of parents unless we have gone through something very difficult... something that only YOU could and DID deliver us from. Father, I pray that you would bring the healing power of Jesus Christ to my wife’s body, and that you would bless us with a family. And that your victory in our lives and in Vanessa’s health can only be explained by the fact that you did the supernatural and you brought healing. You prepared us to be parents for building kingdom minded warriors for Christ, world changers!”
The tears started flowing. Both in myself and my wife. The desire for children were small compared to the desires to raise children for the call of Christ to Glorify the father. So, I continued, “Father, we need you to build our faith. Overcome our disbelief! Have victory in our lives Father. Thank you for the place we find ourselves where only you can save us. For then we will have a powerful testimony and you will be glorified in our lives for all to see! Father, bring people to Christ by witnessing your glory in our lives. Father help us walk forward in the victory you have already won! In Jesus name... AMEN!!!! OH, WAIT!! God, just think of how much more glory you will get for delivering us from this place, healing my wife, giving us children, and helping us to raise them for your kingdom. To be world changers! Think of it God. Please, be glorified in our lives! We belong to you! We will serve you always! In Jesus name... AMEN!!”
Now this brings to mind a previous blog about when God gave me a personal revelation. In the early morning hours, God coordinated speaking to both my friend Justin and I to deliver the scripture. Habakkuk 2:3 "At the time I have decided, my words will come true. You can trust what I say about the future. It may take a long time, but keep on waiting--it will happen!" Within the context of our struggle. It was a profound statement. (see here for that post)
The events today also uncovered something I had been asking God to do for my wife and I. Unite us in a common vision for our lives. I believe the common vision is to raise children to be Kingdom minded followers of Christ. To stand out and look different than the rest of the world. To be world changers!
Honestly, when I think about being a parent. It seems scary. But when I think about raising my future children to be Christ centered world changers. I feel empowered... enthusiastic and focused.
"God! Have your way with me! Give me a big dream! Be glorified through my life! Be glorified through my wife's life! Bring an overwhelming victory in our lives that no one can explain other than the God of the universe loves us and works miracles! Amen!"
David
Philippians 4:6-7 - "Don't worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God. Then, because you belong to Christ Jesus, God will bless you with peace that no one can completely understand. And this peace will control the way you think and feel."
The part about “with thankful hearts” means that you believe God will and has answered. I was encouraged by my wife’s faith.
Not more than a few hours later, all of this seemed to have unraveled. “I just need to accept that this is my life. And deal with the pain. Accept that I won’t have children.” I was really caught off guard here! Where did this come from? Where did the faith go? How did this happen?
We talked about it for awhile. I tried to restate my belief that God is in our struggle and does have good plans for her.
Psalm 103:2-5 (NIV) “Praise the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits--- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.”
Yet all my talk, all my prayers, all the scriptures... still I saw within her big doubt. Acceptance of defeat. At this I encouraged her, “When our faith is low, who can deliver us strengthened faith? God. We need to seek him, right now.” I dialed up a Lifechurch.tv sermon that came to mind. I texted a few friends to pray for my wife’s faith and hope and that God would do something great. Prayers started shooting up to the heavens.
As we were going through the sermon, I know I was encouraged. I don’t know what was going on within my wife’s heart and mind. Shortly after that Vanessa started talking about things she would want to do different than the rest of the world regarding raising a family. Breaking of worldly traditions in favor of starting new traditions around holiday’s focused on serving and giving the poor. Rather than the gluttony of the Americanized Christmas holidays. This is something I feel strongly about too. Just read my blog “Why I feel sad at Christmas.”
I began to pray out loud. I prayed like this:
“Father, I come before you now with my wife. I lift her up to you. You have blessed her not only with a desire for children, but a deeper desire to raise children to be uncommon. To stand out from the rest of the world as Christ followers. Children who are a Kingdom minded people who live differently... to be world changers for Christ. Father I know the kind of parents you would desire us to be, and I acknowledge that we could never be those types of parents unless we have gone through something very difficult... something that only YOU could and DID deliver us from. Father, I pray that you would bring the healing power of Jesus Christ to my wife’s body, and that you would bless us with a family. And that your victory in our lives and in Vanessa’s health can only be explained by the fact that you did the supernatural and you brought healing. You prepared us to be parents for building kingdom minded warriors for Christ, world changers!”
The tears started flowing. Both in myself and my wife. The desire for children were small compared to the desires to raise children for the call of Christ to Glorify the father. So, I continued, “Father, we need you to build our faith. Overcome our disbelief! Have victory in our lives Father. Thank you for the place we find ourselves where only you can save us. For then we will have a powerful testimony and you will be glorified in our lives for all to see! Father, bring people to Christ by witnessing your glory in our lives. Father help us walk forward in the victory you have already won! In Jesus name... AMEN!!!! OH, WAIT!! God, just think of how much more glory you will get for delivering us from this place, healing my wife, giving us children, and helping us to raise them for your kingdom. To be world changers! Think of it God. Please, be glorified in our lives! We belong to you! We will serve you always! In Jesus name... AMEN!!”
Now this brings to mind a previous blog about when God gave me a personal revelation. In the early morning hours, God coordinated speaking to both my friend Justin and I to deliver the scripture. Habakkuk 2:3 "At the time I have decided, my words will come true. You can trust what I say about the future. It may take a long time, but keep on waiting--it will happen!" Within the context of our struggle. It was a profound statement. (see here for that post)
The events today also uncovered something I had been asking God to do for my wife and I. Unite us in a common vision for our lives. I believe the common vision is to raise children to be Kingdom minded followers of Christ. To stand out and look different than the rest of the world. To be world changers!
Honestly, when I think about being a parent. It seems scary. But when I think about raising my future children to be Christ centered world changers. I feel empowered... enthusiastic and focused.
"God! Have your way with me! Give me a big dream! Be glorified through my life! Be glorified through my wife's life! Bring an overwhelming victory in our lives that no one can explain other than the God of the universe loves us and works miracles! Amen!"
David
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