As much as I have longed for stability and comfort, I haven't been granted that as of yet. But God is writing an interesting story in my life… and in that story He is faithful.
So, as most of you know my sweet wife has had some health problems. Pretty major health problems actually. Things got "flared up" again and she was sicker than sick. We went into see her PCP and one look at Vanessa and she said, "I'm admitting you to the hospital." Once we were there it was clear to me that indeed, she needed it. Her resting heart rate was 158 due to her dehydration from how sick she'd been. When I walked into the hospital room, I just started crying. So many scary and painful memories of her almost three week hospital admission almost two years ago. Though when I look back on those weeks, though they were painful… God was there. There was the time when I became too tired to play with Vanessa's hair to comfort her so I laid down, and she looked up an hour later amazed that I was still playing with her hair only to see that no one was there. We like to say that Jesus was playing with her hair, comforting her during her illness. There were many other small things that happened along the way… times where Jesus "showed up".
The biggest and most wonderful thing that God did for us was that God restored her to health and granted an end to the hospitalization safely. That may sound silly to some… some might say, "she'd get better, that's what bodies do." But as a hospital physician, I don't take anything like that for granted. I've seen too many complications and terrible things happen, even to young previously healthy people. Young mothers ending up quadriplegic or brain dead… all because the things we do as doctors while over all are fairly safe, they "flirt" with death. We put people to sleep where they cannot breath or protect their airway while splitting their body wide open and cutting their organs up and reattaching them. Don't take for granted how dangerous that is… its amazing! So, when Vanessa made it home safely, that is a big deal.
A few hours of sitting there in the hospital room in silence as Vanessa lay motionless slowly soaking up her IV fluid… I began to appreciate God's faithfulness and control in my life. I began to feel a bit more at peace. Yes, I admit I'd rather not be there at that moment, but God is in control and I trusted that he has plans to prosper us as the Bible says. I stand before God a more obedient man, closer to him, more right with him. I sensed his love more clearly and my trust in him had grown.
The next morning a friend brought me some Double Shot coffee and shared with me the downtrodden spirit of a mutual friend. From my wife's hospital room, her condition still not having improved, I was able to proclaim God's faithfulness to my friend with conviction. God rallied his spirit back into a place of faith and hope for his own situation. I found it surprising that such a thing could happen when faced from such a troubled spot.
My wife did make it out of the hospital and she has continued to improve. In fact she has improved remarkably. She has been almost completely without pain and certainly without severe nausea. She hasn't felt this good in three months! It has been dramatic. Dramatic! I think today would be the fifth day of feeling good. I have thanked God profusely for the good thing he has blessed us with, but I do admit I am scared to assume this is a long lasting healing as He has blessed her with temporary respite in the past. I have proclaimed to my God that even if the pain returns to my sweetest wife, that I will not stop trusting Him.
My view of God is getting bigger. How has he changed her body to give her freedom from this pain? From where I sit, it looks like she was hit with a virulent GI bug that made her tremendously sick, only to become more well than she's been in a long time. Did God use disease causing agents, something that exist in the world because of the fall, for his purpose to shift something within Van's GI tract? He commands everything! He commands the viruses that can attack us… With his hand he can order the bacteria that repopulate her gut to restore the symbiosis he intended for her gut. He is mysterious! Nothing is out of his control! If this were how he wanted to heal my wife… He did it by first taking us back to the hospital to face our fears and to "trust Him" in the face of our worst nightmare… and at least for now. He has shown up. He has shown us mercy and kindness. It is up to Him whether this miracle lasts… or if the pain and nausea return. But as I said before, even if the pain returns. I WILL TRUST HIM. Because nothing happens without His consent.
I can look back at the past two years of struggles and pain, and I can see a thread of blessing running through it all. I am not the same man. She is not the same woman. Our marriage is not the same. Our relationship with our Heavenly Father is not the same… on all accounts, it is better. Speaking personally, the changes I have gone through couldn't have happened if our life was that of comfort and pleasure.
God, I am yours. I trust you. Please write my story.
David
So, as most of you know my sweet wife has had some health problems. Pretty major health problems actually. Things got "flared up" again and she was sicker than sick. We went into see her PCP and one look at Vanessa and she said, "I'm admitting you to the hospital." Once we were there it was clear to me that indeed, she needed it. Her resting heart rate was 158 due to her dehydration from how sick she'd been. When I walked into the hospital room, I just started crying. So many scary and painful memories of her almost three week hospital admission almost two years ago. Though when I look back on those weeks, though they were painful… God was there. There was the time when I became too tired to play with Vanessa's hair to comfort her so I laid down, and she looked up an hour later amazed that I was still playing with her hair only to see that no one was there. We like to say that Jesus was playing with her hair, comforting her during her illness. There were many other small things that happened along the way… times where Jesus "showed up".
The biggest and most wonderful thing that God did for us was that God restored her to health and granted an end to the hospitalization safely. That may sound silly to some… some might say, "she'd get better, that's what bodies do." But as a hospital physician, I don't take anything like that for granted. I've seen too many complications and terrible things happen, even to young previously healthy people. Young mothers ending up quadriplegic or brain dead… all because the things we do as doctors while over all are fairly safe, they "flirt" with death. We put people to sleep where they cannot breath or protect their airway while splitting their body wide open and cutting their organs up and reattaching them. Don't take for granted how dangerous that is… its amazing! So, when Vanessa made it home safely, that is a big deal.
A few hours of sitting there in the hospital room in silence as Vanessa lay motionless slowly soaking up her IV fluid… I began to appreciate God's faithfulness and control in my life. I began to feel a bit more at peace. Yes, I admit I'd rather not be there at that moment, but God is in control and I trusted that he has plans to prosper us as the Bible says. I stand before God a more obedient man, closer to him, more right with him. I sensed his love more clearly and my trust in him had grown.
The next morning a friend brought me some Double Shot coffee and shared with me the downtrodden spirit of a mutual friend. From my wife's hospital room, her condition still not having improved, I was able to proclaim God's faithfulness to my friend with conviction. God rallied his spirit back into a place of faith and hope for his own situation. I found it surprising that such a thing could happen when faced from such a troubled spot.
My wife did make it out of the hospital and she has continued to improve. In fact she has improved remarkably. She has been almost completely without pain and certainly without severe nausea. She hasn't felt this good in three months! It has been dramatic. Dramatic! I think today would be the fifth day of feeling good. I have thanked God profusely for the good thing he has blessed us with, but I do admit I am scared to assume this is a long lasting healing as He has blessed her with temporary respite in the past. I have proclaimed to my God that even if the pain returns to my sweetest wife, that I will not stop trusting Him.
My view of God is getting bigger. How has he changed her body to give her freedom from this pain? From where I sit, it looks like she was hit with a virulent GI bug that made her tremendously sick, only to become more well than she's been in a long time. Did God use disease causing agents, something that exist in the world because of the fall, for his purpose to shift something within Van's GI tract? He commands everything! He commands the viruses that can attack us… With his hand he can order the bacteria that repopulate her gut to restore the symbiosis he intended for her gut. He is mysterious! Nothing is out of his control! If this were how he wanted to heal my wife… He did it by first taking us back to the hospital to face our fears and to "trust Him" in the face of our worst nightmare… and at least for now. He has shown up. He has shown us mercy and kindness. It is up to Him whether this miracle lasts… or if the pain and nausea return. But as I said before, even if the pain returns. I WILL TRUST HIM. Because nothing happens without His consent.
I can look back at the past two years of struggles and pain, and I can see a thread of blessing running through it all. I am not the same man. She is not the same woman. Our marriage is not the same. Our relationship with our Heavenly Father is not the same… on all accounts, it is better. Speaking personally, the changes I have gone through couldn't have happened if our life was that of comfort and pleasure.
God, I am yours. I trust you. Please write my story.
David
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