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Experience Fuels Faith

I recently was read a message from a man who describes himself as a "free thinker" defending his position denying Christianity. He felt it was unfair to proclaim your religion is true based on faith and deny other religions based on reason and logic, which he felt was the usual case. He basically used logic and reason to deny all religion. This prompted me to think about why I believe in Jesus Christ as God incarnate and savior.

I recalled grappling with my faith during the most grueling phases of my wife's illness. Why do I have faith? If one can reason away a multitude of religions based on logic, and many people reason away Christianity, then why do I continue to believe? I continue to believe based on my experience of God and his power in my life.

I recalled wanting to share with a lost friend that Jesus Christ is the one true way. What could I possibly say that would persuade faith? Some people have problems in the way they think that can be addressed with logic, but resolution of logic problems still does not create faith. So, for many a non-believer, I cannot make logical arguments the basis of my testimony of Jesus Christ as savior. So what are my experiences that fuel my continued faith?

Experiences:

When I was first dating my wife, I had not really ever dating any girl very long. Six weeks was my longest relationship at that point. I was consumed by fears of "What if?". The "what if" that haunted me for Vanessa was, "what if she develops severe health problems that dramatically interferes with my lifestyle?" At this point, she basically only had migraines, which I had as well, and occasional mild discomfort in her abdomen at times. My worries were completely irrational. Yet, I felt God say, "David, this is who I have for you... and what if she did develop terrible health problems, would you still trust me to guide you, would you go where I lead?"

Two years later, I did go where he led. I proposed to her. Less than 6 months into our marriage, Vanessa was hit by multiple health problems, terrible ones that left her incapacitated and totally dependent... and suffering. Some were quite mysterious, so mysterious that I, as a doctor, couldn't understand them and was powerless to cure them... I needed God to provide. I was not enough.

During the worst of it, I began to resent God because he just "used me to take care of Vanessa, whom he really loved." He threw away my dreams and my life to make sure she had a caretaker. That's how I felt. But during the next 5 years of battling these health difficulties I saw that God had a plan. Not only was this level of calamity needed to get me to surrender to God many areas of my heart that I was keeping from him, but I also saw him time and time again lift me up and restore me. I can remember specific times when I thought, "I can't go on! I'm being crushed! And I wish one of us would die so this pain could stop." I would cry out to him... and with out me doing anything and without our situation changing... the spirit of God picked me up. He lifted the weight from me. I remember almost suddenly feeling light and free. The worries went away. The emotional pain subsided. My faith was restored. Tears of joy rolled down my cheeks... all this, even though our situation remained the same. I was able to continue on.

There were divine appointments, too. People that God placed in my path that had been through a similar trial and had made it to the other side of the valley. They struggled with health problems. They struggled with emotional pain. They had wanted to die. They had reached the end of themselves and surrendered to God. They had been transformed and led into an amazing life of meaning, love, service, and overflowing joy! It felt like God said, "See... this is what I am trying to do for you. If you trust me. If you go where I lead."

There were other times when God spoke loudly and specifically to me. God spoke that Vanessa's health would be restored, though not immediately. I clung to this experience for more than two years waiting for an improvement. This is a long stretch to believe in something that your eyes cannot see. Yet here we are having completed a 18 day European adventure with good health intact. Something that I couldn't have even imagined a year ago. And, here we are with talks of coming off of medications so that we can have a family. Here we are, now more than nine months since Vanessa had to take pain medicine for her abdominal migraines. Here we are, proclaiming that neither one of us would trade the 5 years of extreme trials and pain, because we see that God brought us through it, that God transformed us and healed us both physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

There were other times when God spoke with such perfection that mere chance makes no sense. I don't know if these instances could persuade a non-believer, but for me, they confirm my faith is in something real. An example... I was on a mountain top, and God spoke through a single clap of thunder at precisely the perfect time to redirect my path before the point of no return... because God knew I was about to suffer from altitude sickness, and he wanted to protect me... and teach me that he will guide my path, always.

When I look back to where I was and where I am now. I see myself transformed into something better than I ever knew I wanted to be. I see myself having gone through a journey I never would have chosen to go on. I see myself having looked and looked and looked for an easy way out! But I never found one. Instead, I see myself having been called to go where I didn't want to go... but I went, because I experienced a personal God who said, "if you really believe in me... you will go." And when I did go. he proved himself faithful. I see myself time and time again reaching the end of my rope... only to have supernatural restoration and empowerment to continue on. I see myself having received profound joy in the midst of intense pain. I see that as I pursued the God of the Bible... that this God proved faithful and true to the word, his word... the Bible.

David

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