I feel God is still working in my heart during this trial. I feel a little more peace of late. I still have a strong desire for the trial to end, but I see and enjoy the beauty in life despite the pain. The beauty is God's love and my wife's heart. It wasn't too long ago, that I couldn't see past the pain. God is growing my faith. My faith that he is still here with us. My faith that he has good plans for us. My faith that he will deliver my wife's body to healing... this is a trial, one that will end.
My grandfather once said, "It's the tough times that make life worth living." I think there was some profound wisdom in his statement. We have something profound to fight for... Love. And I know that when we are delivered from this trial, that I will have wonderful growth in my heart to show for it. If you asked me months ago, "If you knew then what you know now about what life would be like married... would you still say yes?" I believe I would have said yes, but it would be with some reservation... some "bracing" for the pain that loving someone opens you up to. BUT NOW!!! Now, my "yes" is an emphatic one! I cannot imagine a life without the sweet love of my angel. I would rather have a difficult life with my beautiful wifel than an easy carefree life without her love.
I think that is a profound and wonderful achievement the Holy Spirit has made in my heart. The effects of which will outlast any trial, and shape the next 60 years of marriage to be great ones!
I also sense a purpose developing in my life to bring glory to God. The purpose was always there, but I wasn't embracing it... I still had my "expectations." I wasn't living for God's purpose. I hope that people can see that I believe in a personal relationship with a great and loving God... and that God is faithful and is always working to bring good to the lives of those who love him. I believe, when we are on the other side of this trial, people can look at our lives and know that it was God who delivered us through the valley and brought us to the mountain top on the other side... more mature, of purer hearts, and more in love with each other, and with Him.
God, I believe you are here. I believe you are good. I believe you are faithful. I believe you will deliver us from this trial and restore us to life in abundance. And when you do, I hope all who look in on our lives will see your goodness, love, and mercy.
David
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