Sometimes... I feel like I am dying. Or, I might as well be.
I am not depressed... Life is just hard and it is difficult to believe that things will get better.
I am placing all of "my eggs" in the basket of faith in a personal God who loves me and has plans to prosper me.
That being said, his idea of prosperity differs much from how an American would would define it.
Yet, if I had American prosperity, but no God... My life would be meaningless and empty, and would be filled with yet a different type of pain... And would end in eternal damnation.
I will choose God's will. I will walk into the dark night... Trusting my Lord to guide me... Into a better kind of prosperity... In his perfect but lingering timing.
David
ps. I took a depression scale... I wasn't depressed. It's just really tough to deal with 2 years of physical suffering. You don't get it or understand it until you experience it. But healthy people seem to judge, condemn, and wash their hands of it... physicians. I was there once. I have more compassion for my patients now.
UPDATE: 14 months later... I no longer feel like I am dying. The personal love of God our Father through Jesus Christ has been transforming me. I have new peace, joy, and hope!
God led me to a truly anointed Christian psychologist... She has been God's instrument in my journey... But it is the power and love of God that is transforming darkness to light. I am not out from under the challenges of the trial, but God has shown me many of the things I was doing wrong that led to my "suffocation" and despair. He is teaching me a new way to have intimacy with him... He is teaching me a new way to be a husband... He is teaching me a new way of looking at life.
God was pursuing me. I just had to stop living under my own power and seek him. Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
Some good books that have been valuable tools for me in this process: (Nothing replaces the Bible)
1. He Loves Me - by Wayne Jacobsen
2. Boundaries In Marriage - by Townsend and Cloud
3. Pure Pleasure - by Gary Thomas
4. God and Mute - by Pete Greig
I am not depressed... Life is just hard and it is difficult to believe that things will get better.
I am placing all of "my eggs" in the basket of faith in a personal God who loves me and has plans to prosper me.
That being said, his idea of prosperity differs much from how an American would would define it.
Yet, if I had American prosperity, but no God... My life would be meaningless and empty, and would be filled with yet a different type of pain... And would end in eternal damnation.
I will choose God's will. I will walk into the dark night... Trusting my Lord to guide me... Into a better kind of prosperity... In his perfect but lingering timing.
David
ps. I took a depression scale... I wasn't depressed. It's just really tough to deal with 2 years of physical suffering. You don't get it or understand it until you experience it. But healthy people seem to judge, condemn, and wash their hands of it... physicians. I was there once. I have more compassion for my patients now.
UPDATE: 14 months later... I no longer feel like I am dying. The personal love of God our Father through Jesus Christ has been transforming me. I have new peace, joy, and hope!
God led me to a truly anointed Christian psychologist... She has been God's instrument in my journey... But it is the power and love of God that is transforming darkness to light. I am not out from under the challenges of the trial, but God has shown me many of the things I was doing wrong that led to my "suffocation" and despair. He is teaching me a new way to have intimacy with him... He is teaching me a new way to be a husband... He is teaching me a new way of looking at life.
God was pursuing me. I just had to stop living under my own power and seek him. Matthew 7:7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."
Some good books that have been valuable tools for me in this process: (Nothing replaces the Bible)
1. He Loves Me - by Wayne Jacobsen
2. Boundaries In Marriage - by Townsend and Cloud
3. Pure Pleasure - by Gary Thomas
4. God and Mute - by Pete Greig
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