Remember Healing?

It's now been greater than two years since my wife was afflicted by bad health. It's not been one event, it's been an ongoing unfolding of calamity. First the ulcerative colitis (UC) flare, started new immune suppressant. When it failed, she opted to go for the surgery which is a cure for about 99% of UC sufferers. But she was in the 1% who still had some residual disease. "Cuffitis" is  what it's called. The  last few centimeters of the colon have to be spared to create the surgical connection after the colon is removed, and in a few people this area still has some inflammation. "But its usually easily controlled with occasional medications." Not so with Vanessa. Very resistant. Required further surgery to strip away the layer of mucosa. Then this caused scarring that created a severe narrowing. Which required another surgery. Then required manual dilations which were excruciating. There was a degree of pain that persisted beyond the typical post-operative period, which didn't make sense to her surgeon. Nor to me. Then she developed a crazy problem of pain and swelling of her labia. Her gynecologist said, "I've never seen anything like this before." 

All in all, she made 11 trips to the OR. She spent at least 12 months of time unable to sit. Lay down on the couch, or the bed. Walking slowly thru pain after an uncomfortable transition from laying down. Barely left the house. Most of this was during the pandemic mind you. So, friends and family couldn't even come see her. She would get the occasional FaceTime or video chat with frineds or family. And her social time involving in person humans was basically confined to her doctor visits.

As you might imagine, each step in this journey represented a point in time that we would hope. We'd hope. "This is the medication that will restore your life." Or, "this will be the last surgery and after this you'll have your life back!" Instead, each time was another hit of disappointment, disillusionment. Despair.

She's still not back to health yet. Any good moments she has is on borrowed time. She developed a fistula, a connection between her anus and her vagina. Stool comes thru there. It seems to be due to inflammation from her auto-immune disease, which just may have morphed from UC to Crohn's disease. It's rare, but not unheard of after surgery. Again, further proof that if something bad can happen, it will. But the good moments are on borrowed time, because we still haven't found a long term medication that has stopped this process. She's been on metronidazole over and over again, it provides short term relief. Not for it's antibiotic properties, but because it modulates the immune system. But it's just not a good medication to try and spend your life on, so we have to look for a better solution.

All of this is to say, hope feels dead. How can you hope and be disappointed. Hope and be disappointed. Over and over and over! How can you continue to hope for health? How can you even pray for healing? Filled with doubt... despair. 

I knew a guy once, Jay. God brought about a miraculous healing in him. It came in a very dramatic fashion that was totally supernatural events surrounding the moment witnessed but several people. It had been a decade since I saw him. But I hadn't forgotten, but I had forgotten the details of the story. Then, a strange thing. My mother in law said, "I'm hoping to get a job at this company." She names Jay's company. "I know him!" We talked, I honestly wasn't sure he'd remember me, we weren't primary friends, more friends by association. It does turn out; however, he does remember me and my wife. He would think of us on and off and wonder about my wife's health. See he had participated in encouraging us to pray for healing for her first medical calamity, life stopping medical mystery. Which plagued her and reduced her life for 5 years. 

Jay, my wife and I got to reconnect over an hour long phone call. He reintroduced us to persistently praying for healing. He recounted other people he's witnessed as God did a supernatural healing. He prayed with us.

"God. Is this an invitation to begin praying for my wife's healing?"

I don't doubt Jay's healing, or the healings he's witnessed. He's in the medical profession and he's a super bright guy. Science and all, he still has faith in the supernatural. So, I do believe God still heals people, but it seems infrequent. It feels like God brought healing to my wife's first medical mystery, abdominal migraines. But he did so by leading us through a painful maze to a correct diagnosis and then blessed medications to bring a close to a horribly painful chapter of life. He provided for us. He helped us with strength, rest, provision, patience, endurance. But it didn't feel like we saw a "no other way to explain it, miracle!"

So, while I felt a nudging to pray for healing... I acknowledge that I am surrounded with doubt and disappointment. So, I instead began praying for God to preparing our spirits to be able to have faith for healing. To be able to confidently ask God for healing. If we aren't where we need to be with faith, who better to ask for help on this than God and the Holy Spirit. Jesus come!

A day passed, and as I reflected on the string of calamity of improbability it just felt too improbable to just happen by chance. It's like winning the lottery one day, and then the next day you win it again. It just does not happen... only instead of winning a good thing, you just won pain and suffering and the end of life as you know it. So, if it is so improbable, it seems it is probably true spiritual warfare from the enemy. Now, if that is true, we KNOW God wins in the end. So we can have confidence in asking him to win this spiritual war that is going on! So, through tears and as I lay my hand on my wife, I prayed and THANKED GOD for the VICTORY of this spiritual war. "We know who wins the battle!" I THANKED HIM for healing my wife! Though I don't know the appointed time of the healing, I declared that we will keep marching onward towards the day of victory. As we look to Him for daily strength, faith, patience and endurance until we arrive on that glorious day!