Ten or so days before my wife is supposed to start IVF injections, she develops a colitis flair. It's not severe. Just the earliest of symptoms and we are trying to use the right med to stop it before needing the more powerful medications which would probably prevent us from starting the IVF cycle. So, she is very anxious, rightly so. We have a limited amount of time due to the nature of the reduced ovarian reserve so the thought of a several month delay due to colitis weighs super heavy on her.
God, why? Are you doing something? Do you hear our prayers? What do you want? Are we supposed to not do IVF? Why did we feel peace about doing it like you had shown us that path?
Now I'm praying:
"God, show us your will. We need something sign or word powerful enough to give us clarity about what we are to do at this moment. And I need you to speak to my wife that way, not just to me. This is her experience more than it is mine. Show her loudly what you want for her. What is the path to starting a family that you want us to take? If you did lead us to IVF, you'll have to bless her body with healing from her colitis in a powerful and quick way. Father, I pray you would snuff out the colitis completely. I pray you would give Vanessa peace that you know the puzzle peaces she has and how to fit them together for something huge!
You word says, 'Now to him who by the power that is working within us is able to do far beyond all that we ask or think, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.' (Ephesians 3:20-21 NET)
So, I'm asking some big things. 1. Heal Vanessa from the colitis. 2. Show us your path to start a family with clarity so we know what you are asking us to do. 3. Bring peace to Vanessa's heart for whatever that path may be and help her to take steps of faith in that direction. So that your name will be glorified. Your power magnified. May I remind you of all the work you've done in our marriage and in our hearts and spirits? How much more would those gifts be amplified if they were used to love and shape the character and faith of the next generation. Father, I pray you bless us with a child for your kingdom's sake, for your glory. In Jesus name, amen.
UPDATE:
Vanessa was able to do her IVF round. The colitis had us change gears to pursue freezing any eggs that we would have had... had we had any. But we did not have any embryos. IVF did not work. In fact, it was basically a window into how severe the diminished ovarian reserve was. It's basically over. Barring a miracle from God. Even the fertility doctor said we should consider other means. And when a doctor brings up that other options should be considered.... it's over. We don't offer other options unless our reasonable hope is gone. So, we stopped after trying IVF one time.
Did we really get that feeling of peace from God directing our paths towards IVF? I still think so. It gave us the answer we needed. It helped us see that for us to start a family, we cannot do it with our power. This is not the story we are writing. God is writing it. And all I hear is, "wait."
The options for starting a family we have left, still provoke anxious thoughts in us. It is out of our control. For us to take a step forward on any of them would require a fairly clear directive from God. We would have to take that step with faith. So, I am asking for faith. I am asking for his direction.
Side Note: my Catholic friends would disagree that God would ever give anyone peace about doing IVF. They may want to argue with me. I searched and prayed on this extensively. I came to my place of peace about it.
There have been an estimated 108 Billion people who have lived on this Earth across time. What percentage of that do you think were saved and going to heaven? 10%? so, would you think 10 billion souls will be in heaven? But if you believe the soul starts at the moment an egg is fertilized... and if you believe if an embryo's soul goes to heaven, and we know that most fertilized eggs never even implant in the woman's uterus and are thus lost with her menses (rate of 80% of fertilized eggs don't make it) and so the 20% who did minus the 35% who are miscarried basically leads your theory to mean that heaven will have 730 BILLION souls inhabiting heaven even though those 730 billion never made it past being a cluster of 4 to 16 cells. So, I just cannot believe the human soul enters the body when the egg is fertilized. But I do not know where it starts. So... this mystery will have to remain until I get to heaven.
God, why? Are you doing something? Do you hear our prayers? What do you want? Are we supposed to not do IVF? Why did we feel peace about doing it like you had shown us that path?
Now I'm praying:
"God, show us your will. We need something sign or word powerful enough to give us clarity about what we are to do at this moment. And I need you to speak to my wife that way, not just to me. This is her experience more than it is mine. Show her loudly what you want for her. What is the path to starting a family that you want us to take? If you did lead us to IVF, you'll have to bless her body with healing from her colitis in a powerful and quick way. Father, I pray you would snuff out the colitis completely. I pray you would give Vanessa peace that you know the puzzle peaces she has and how to fit them together for something huge!
You word says, 'Now to him who by the power that is working within us is able to do far beyond all that we ask or think, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.' (Ephesians 3:20-21 NET)
So, I'm asking some big things. 1. Heal Vanessa from the colitis. 2. Show us your path to start a family with clarity so we know what you are asking us to do. 3. Bring peace to Vanessa's heart for whatever that path may be and help her to take steps of faith in that direction. So that your name will be glorified. Your power magnified. May I remind you of all the work you've done in our marriage and in our hearts and spirits? How much more would those gifts be amplified if they were used to love and shape the character and faith of the next generation. Father, I pray you bless us with a child for your kingdom's sake, for your glory. In Jesus name, amen.
UPDATE:
Vanessa was able to do her IVF round. The colitis had us change gears to pursue freezing any eggs that we would have had... had we had any. But we did not have any embryos. IVF did not work. In fact, it was basically a window into how severe the diminished ovarian reserve was. It's basically over. Barring a miracle from God. Even the fertility doctor said we should consider other means. And when a doctor brings up that other options should be considered.... it's over. We don't offer other options unless our reasonable hope is gone. So, we stopped after trying IVF one time.
Did we really get that feeling of peace from God directing our paths towards IVF? I still think so. It gave us the answer we needed. It helped us see that for us to start a family, we cannot do it with our power. This is not the story we are writing. God is writing it. And all I hear is, "wait."
The options for starting a family we have left, still provoke anxious thoughts in us. It is out of our control. For us to take a step forward on any of them would require a fairly clear directive from God. We would have to take that step with faith. So, I am asking for faith. I am asking for his direction.
Side Note: my Catholic friends would disagree that God would ever give anyone peace about doing IVF. They may want to argue with me. I searched and prayed on this extensively. I came to my place of peace about it.
There have been an estimated 108 Billion people who have lived on this Earth across time. What percentage of that do you think were saved and going to heaven? 10%? so, would you think 10 billion souls will be in heaven? But if you believe the soul starts at the moment an egg is fertilized... and if you believe if an embryo's soul goes to heaven, and we know that most fertilized eggs never even implant in the woman's uterus and are thus lost with her menses (rate of 80% of fertilized eggs don't make it) and so the 20% who did minus the 35% who are miscarried basically leads your theory to mean that heaven will have 730 BILLION souls inhabiting heaven even though those 730 billion never made it past being a cluster of 4 to 16 cells. So, I just cannot believe the human soul enters the body when the egg is fertilized. But I do not know where it starts. So... this mystery will have to remain until I get to heaven.
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