It was an eventful two days. One of my best friends was getting married in Oklahoma City. I was in the wedding and needed to head down the night before. Vanessa was going to go that day but was just too tired of hitting the road and being away from home. She urged me to go on down and she'd come down the next day. This would be very difficult for me. I hadn't spent one night apart from my sweet wife since all of the health difficulties had started. I was too afraid to leave her! What if, what if, what if…. I was scared she would need me and would be all alone. She insisted that she'd be fine.
I loaded up, kissed her and hit the road. I cried off an on for about an hour. At times violently. Yelling at God. Begging. Demanding. "Please God, restore my wife to health." I felt angry that he would have ever let this happen to one of the sweetest most beautiful hearts he'd ever created. I could hardly see through my tears to drive at times. I opened the glove box in search for some tissues. I found the little travel pack of tissue. It's something I never buy, but Vanessa always has handy. It reminded me of her. I could picture her face… her smile. This lead to even more heart wrenching tears to start flowing. I swear… there is nothing more beautiful than my wife's smile! I could see it in my mind… and it made me long for her, to hold her… to make a corny joke, just to see that smile again.
I finally collected myself, just as I was rolling into OKC. I met Nathan and Randy at OKC's historic Farmer's Market and tried to suppress my feelings and focus on the present. It was good to see my old friends. It's always good. They eventually broke through my sadness and caused me to laugh. They are some of the funniest guys I know. They also have wonderful hearts… I am blessed to have great friends like them.
The next day, Nate was getting hitched. It was a pretty good day, but I still had sadness on my heart. My wife was trying to make it to OKC, but couldn't shake a terrible cloud of nausea looming over her all day. She was very upset about the thought of missing Nathan and Karli's blessed day. She attempted to drive down, but had to turn around as things started to get worse. My heart was breaking all over again.
The wedding was beautiful. The Farmer's Market was transformed into something very romantic and dream like. A lot of wonderful emotions and love permeated every aspected of the wedding. I fought tears during the entire ceremony as I thought about my wedding… and my sweetest bride! How I longed to hold her right then, and to tell her how much I love her, and that marrying her is the best thing I have every done!!! I thought of her smile. The most beautiful thing on earth! I also felt my helplessness to make her well. I pleaded with God some more, and fought off the tears.
God's beauty unfolded yet further as the ceremony closed and the reception began. I talked with many people, some of which I hadn't seen in years. I was especially blessed to get caught up with one very special soul. She had been a very integral part of God's plan in my life. She introduced me to my wife. The conversation that unfolded was a true testament to God's faithfulness, love, and involvement in our lives. In fact, the entire event was a testament to God's involvement and love! I didn't see this as just "Nathan and Karli's wedding" This event was a very important place on God's tapestry of life. Many different threads coming together at one point. Lives being weaved together to form something beautiful. I could see how the love between all of these friends and family had shaped things. My world, Vanessa's world… Everyone there! I could see God using each one of us. He is weaving both the good and the hard times together into something bigger than us all… it was beautiful. complex. It IS beautiful! I could see where these threads came from, where they had led to, and I could imagine where they might be leading… and I could see the master's hand in all of it… through the entire course of this tapestry of life. It gave me a peace and a hope that the threads of our current and most difficult situation are also in the master's hand. I could feel a shift from doubt and fear, to a faith that he is going to weave these tragic and painful threads together with the threads of love, hope, and victory into something beautiful. He does have plans! Good plans! Good plans for his children whom he loves. It's just hard to see what he is going to do when you are in the middle of something so difficult and tragic.
As I drove home that night, I wasn't crying. I felt a peace that I am exactly where God wants me to be. I could see he isn't finished writing our story. I had a peace that God does intend to lead my wife's body to healing, and to restore her life.
As I drove down that road resting peacefully in God's hands… I talked to a friend who is feeling quite lost. I didn't feel afraid for him, though I can totally empathize with him. Life is painful. While I know what he is going through is hard, I could see those threads of pain being weaved together with other threads from other's lives and love! I believe God has something great in store for him as well. He just isn't finished writing his story. This is just the tough part of the journey.
I arrived at home safely. I embraced my sweetest wife and gave her a kiss. She is so warm and tender! I love her so much! God thank you for her! Thank you Father for letting me get a glimpse of how you weave everything together. Help Vanessa and I to trust you and to see your hand at work in our lives. Help us to be your people. Please lead my wife's body to a complete healing, and use us for your purpose, your glory. Sustain us and deliver us.
Amen.
David
I loaded up, kissed her and hit the road. I cried off an on for about an hour. At times violently. Yelling at God. Begging. Demanding. "Please God, restore my wife to health." I felt angry that he would have ever let this happen to one of the sweetest most beautiful hearts he'd ever created. I could hardly see through my tears to drive at times. I opened the glove box in search for some tissues. I found the little travel pack of tissue. It's something I never buy, but Vanessa always has handy. It reminded me of her. I could picture her face… her smile. This lead to even more heart wrenching tears to start flowing. I swear… there is nothing more beautiful than my wife's smile! I could see it in my mind… and it made me long for her, to hold her… to make a corny joke, just to see that smile again.
I finally collected myself, just as I was rolling into OKC. I met Nathan and Randy at OKC's historic Farmer's Market and tried to suppress my feelings and focus on the present. It was good to see my old friends. It's always good. They eventually broke through my sadness and caused me to laugh. They are some of the funniest guys I know. They also have wonderful hearts… I am blessed to have great friends like them.
The next day, Nate was getting hitched. It was a pretty good day, but I still had sadness on my heart. My wife was trying to make it to OKC, but couldn't shake a terrible cloud of nausea looming over her all day. She was very upset about the thought of missing Nathan and Karli's blessed day. She attempted to drive down, but had to turn around as things started to get worse. My heart was breaking all over again.
The wedding was beautiful. The Farmer's Market was transformed into something very romantic and dream like. A lot of wonderful emotions and love permeated every aspected of the wedding. I fought tears during the entire ceremony as I thought about my wedding… and my sweetest bride! How I longed to hold her right then, and to tell her how much I love her, and that marrying her is the best thing I have every done!!! I thought of her smile. The most beautiful thing on earth! I also felt my helplessness to make her well. I pleaded with God some more, and fought off the tears.
God's beauty unfolded yet further as the ceremony closed and the reception began. I talked with many people, some of which I hadn't seen in years. I was especially blessed to get caught up with one very special soul. She had been a very integral part of God's plan in my life. She introduced me to my wife. The conversation that unfolded was a true testament to God's faithfulness, love, and involvement in our lives. In fact, the entire event was a testament to God's involvement and love! I didn't see this as just "Nathan and Karli's wedding" This event was a very important place on God's tapestry of life. Many different threads coming together at one point. Lives being weaved together to form something beautiful. I could see how the love between all of these friends and family had shaped things. My world, Vanessa's world… Everyone there! I could see God using each one of us. He is weaving both the good and the hard times together into something bigger than us all… it was beautiful. complex. It IS beautiful! I could see where these threads came from, where they had led to, and I could imagine where they might be leading… and I could see the master's hand in all of it… through the entire course of this tapestry of life. It gave me a peace and a hope that the threads of our current and most difficult situation are also in the master's hand. I could feel a shift from doubt and fear, to a faith that he is going to weave these tragic and painful threads together with the threads of love, hope, and victory into something beautiful. He does have plans! Good plans! Good plans for his children whom he loves. It's just hard to see what he is going to do when you are in the middle of something so difficult and tragic.
As I drove home that night, I wasn't crying. I felt a peace that I am exactly where God wants me to be. I could see he isn't finished writing our story. I had a peace that God does intend to lead my wife's body to healing, and to restore her life.
As I drove down that road resting peacefully in God's hands… I talked to a friend who is feeling quite lost. I didn't feel afraid for him, though I can totally empathize with him. Life is painful. While I know what he is going through is hard, I could see those threads of pain being weaved together with other threads from other's lives and love! I believe God has something great in store for him as well. He just isn't finished writing his story. This is just the tough part of the journey.
I arrived at home safely. I embraced my sweetest wife and gave her a kiss. She is so warm and tender! I love her so much! God thank you for her! Thank you Father for letting me get a glimpse of how you weave everything together. Help Vanessa and I to trust you and to see your hand at work in our lives. Help us to be your people. Please lead my wife's body to a complete healing, and use us for your purpose, your glory. Sustain us and deliver us.
Amen.
David
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