I am blogging this from the air. Flying to Orange Co California.
A few days ago, I wrote a lengthy blog. It was a pep talk for myself and for others. I had been struggling emotionally, feeling beaten down and discontented. It was a very positive blog. I said all of the right things.... Then, 20 minutes later I couldn't identify or feel any of the good things I wrote about. So, I deleted it. Back to square one... Maybe this plane will crash and our pain will be over. Sound terrible? Probably... to those who haven't suffered for an extended season.
I used to look down on people who didn't feel like life was worth living. If you're reading this right now and feeling the same thing. Shame on you, you ignorant fool. Just as I was an ignorant fool. Now, I see clearly, this is a legitimate response to the pain. It's not where you should stay... and you should cry out to God to lift you up. Even a great man like Moses felt this way... in the middle of God's will for his life! In Number 11:14-15 "This job is too much for me. How can I take care of all these people by myself? If this is the way you're going to treat me, just kill me now and end my miserable life!"
I think its possible that to those who have surrendered their life to God's will... might need to be pushed this far... a breaking of our own will... realization that we need to be desperate for our Holy Father to sustain us; deliver us. I think this is partly what is going on in my life... in my wife's life. God. We get it.
Back to the blog i deleted: What I had written about was how people tend to overlook the abundance of great things they have to focus on the few things they don't have. I cited examples from my life and from a friends life. I long for what he has, he longs for what I have... difficulties and all. The basic take home message is to focus on your blessings. It's easy to do when it's a good day. Today is a good day. So far... I just have to have things go well a few more days in a row so I don't take a turn for the worse and delete this blog entry.
So what do I do about the difficult things I deal with in life? Man, my heart breaks every week. And I can't really see an end to it, based on my experience of the past. It's extremely hard to remain hopeful. But i believe, deep down, that this is where God has called me to be. He has plans for me and for my wife. Long ago, he asked... "will you go where I ask, even if it hurts more than you've ever hurt before?" After much struggle, I said yes... and I have held on to my faith and my trust in him and I continue to walk forward into the dark abyss trusting that my Lord can see what I cannot. Trusting that He is good, He does love me, and He does have good things in store for me and Vanessa.
Time will tell. And God will prove faithful and He will be glorified.
David
A few days ago, I wrote a lengthy blog. It was a pep talk for myself and for others. I had been struggling emotionally, feeling beaten down and discontented. It was a very positive blog. I said all of the right things.... Then, 20 minutes later I couldn't identify or feel any of the good things I wrote about. So, I deleted it. Back to square one... Maybe this plane will crash and our pain will be over. Sound terrible? Probably... to those who haven't suffered for an extended season.
I used to look down on people who didn't feel like life was worth living. If you're reading this right now and feeling the same thing. Shame on you, you ignorant fool. Just as I was an ignorant fool. Now, I see clearly, this is a legitimate response to the pain. It's not where you should stay... and you should cry out to God to lift you up. Even a great man like Moses felt this way... in the middle of God's will for his life! In Number 11:14-15 "This job is too much for me. How can I take care of all these people by myself? If this is the way you're going to treat me, just kill me now and end my miserable life!"
I think its possible that to those who have surrendered their life to God's will... might need to be pushed this far... a breaking of our own will... realization that we need to be desperate for our Holy Father to sustain us; deliver us. I think this is partly what is going on in my life... in my wife's life. God. We get it.
Back to the blog i deleted: What I had written about was how people tend to overlook the abundance of great things they have to focus on the few things they don't have. I cited examples from my life and from a friends life. I long for what he has, he longs for what I have... difficulties and all. The basic take home message is to focus on your blessings. It's easy to do when it's a good day. Today is a good day. So far... I just have to have things go well a few more days in a row so I don't take a turn for the worse and delete this blog entry.
So what do I do about the difficult things I deal with in life? Man, my heart breaks every week. And I can't really see an end to it, based on my experience of the past. It's extremely hard to remain hopeful. But i believe, deep down, that this is where God has called me to be. He has plans for me and for my wife. Long ago, he asked... "will you go where I ask, even if it hurts more than you've ever hurt before?" After much struggle, I said yes... and I have held on to my faith and my trust in him and I continue to walk forward into the dark abyss trusting that my Lord can see what I cannot. Trusting that He is good, He does love me, and He does have good things in store for me and Vanessa.
Time will tell. And God will prove faithful and He will be glorified.
David
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