Then, all that seemed to have been gained... just dropped away... in 24 short little hours. What happened?! "what am I doing wrong?! I screamed out as I walked out in the freezing cold night air. God answered my pain. I took my eyes off of Jesus!
My life, in 24 hours, had become all about me. What "I" want. What do "I"; need to do to fix my situation? You know, "since God wasn't doing anything." But all the "me" focus did was cause more pain. I was trying to walk on water, Jesus invited me afterall, but I took my eyes off of him. I instantly plunged into the icy waters of pain.
So what do I need to do? I need to keep myself focused on Jesus. God is worthy of my trust and has never let me down. He knows where we are, and the way out. He knows how to not waste the suffering we go thru. He knows how to work in and thru us to bring glory to himself and comfort the other with his restoring love.
Think of Job. God never explained to Job the purpose of his suffering. Just said "dude, my ways are higher, and I'm God!" what Job now knows from eternity is that his terrible suffering was used by God to
comfort hundreds of thousands if not millions who face fiery trials; including yours truly.
Who knows how God wants to use my current suffering? Is he comforting you? Maybe he is planning on inspiring faith in my future children so they won';t give up on a failing marriage that God wants to heal? I don't know...
What I do know is that my wife has terrible physical pain at times, well... a lot of the time really. We both feel isolated and alone at times. We are uncertain of anything in our future. But God wants me to trust him. Completely. Including fear that my wife will be on this pain medicine forever... Or that we won't be able to have a family... Or ever really be normal.
Trust him. Completely.
David
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