Skip to main content

Diving Appointments En Route to Kauai

It felt like a divine appointment. I had been questioning God and feeling like he was far away and not doing anything in my life. All the dust had settled regarding infertility. There hasn't been interest in adoption from my wife. Adoption is the only option that warms my heart at the moment. But with that said, I'm not quite to a place of wanting to do it either... And there hasn't been any solid interest in the other possible options out there from she or I.  We did try respite fostering. My wife wasn't up to the idea of traditional fostering, and I was pretty enthusiastic about it... so we thought we could sort of "try this on" and see if it is for us. We did it.

The respite fostering gig we did was for our friends. We know the little dude. Everything went according to plan. I changed diapers, we took him for a walk, to the part, to Double Shot Coffee. But it did not take my wife to a place of wanting to do more... or even doing respite again.

I realized that some of my excitement about respite wasn't about the kids and families that need our help. Don't get me wrong, some of it was... but a good portion was hoping that my wife would see her heart is capable of feeling good helping a foster child. Maybe it would open the door to traditional fostering and or adoption and then she wouldn't be sad anymore.

I guess it was a noble intention. But it doesn't work that way, I suppose. I tried to do in her heart what only she and God can work out.

So now what? The only thing I think I may have heard from the Holy Spirit is... "Wait."

So, I wait. I pray some. I think about things. I try to keep my morning routine with God... but it's not the same. It feels like he's not doing anything. I start feeling like I will grow old and die one day and there will be nothing left on Earth to show for my efforts as a human being on this planet. I feel lost. The "quality time with God" in the morning gets less and less "quality."

"What? What God? What am I suppose to do?!!!"

God answered with a divine appointment.

I don't talk to people on planes. I try to put my ear buds in and keep to myself. But this guy on our flight out of Tulsa on our way to Kauai was just friendly. And asked more questions of me than most people do. Most people want to talk about themselves. He just wanted to ask me questions about me, our trip, our marriage, our church. Then, I asked him questions about him. In the end, he was a nice guy who seems to know no strangers and is unafraid to talk about God. The main message God delivered to me was this:

1. Don't make this too complicated.
2. God loves me. Period!
3. You can trust God. He chose you and loves you. So stop worrying.

True, these are concepts I know. But when God delivers them to you, it's because you knew them with your head, but were not living as if they were true.

"Thank you Father God."

David

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Marriage: Cultural Misconception Exposed.

Recently I had a single person ask me if marriage was difficult. I'm not sure I can make a statement that rings true in all and for all marriages.   My experience of marriage has been intertwined with my wife's difficult health problems. Thus my perspective has been colored. Facing life in the midst of these health problems has been the most difficult experience of my life. What I can say about marriage is that I was lied to almost my entire life. God did not invent marriage to "make us happy"... The lie propagated by nearly every facet of American society as a whole. A lie left largely un-refuted by church, or so it seemed to me. "Oh, he makes me so happy!" and then when he doesn't make you happy any longer... "I just don't love him anymore". Divorce then follows. The now single person starts looking for another source of happiness. The cycle repeats, as the broken and imperfect person seeks the wrong remedy. I do not mean to say that you

Bandon Oregon

I first played Bandon Dunes 8 years ago with my college buddies. It was beyond amazing! It was everything one could hope for, just epic! Between the mist, fog, break through sunlight, walks though dunes, pine forest, on the edge of 100’ cliffs overlooking the Pacific Ocean! It was simply amazing! Since then, I’ve only longed to go bock. Yet, our plans never seemed to gain traction towards  return trip to Bandon. After this 2023 last trip to Jackson Wyoming, I decided to stop waiting on others, and I planned a solo trip to Bandon. Part of being a real fan of golf, I think, involves the enjoyment of golf getting paired with other random golfers. We all share the somewhat of the same love for the game, or we wouldn’t be there. You can talk, but you don’t necessarily have to make conversation. Just talk about the golf, the surroundings, “good shot!” I initially set out for this to be a completely solo trip, just fly out on my own, but my wife ended up having a change of heart and desi