Maui was amazing. AMAZING. The first full day there was the best day of my life for the past year or so. Bliss... pure bliss. Beauty, perfect weather, and my sweet lovely wife with a giant smile on her face! I loved every minute. If you remember, God... in a mysterious and catastrophic way had shaken loose the terrible pain and nausea that my wife had been suffering just 2-3 weeks prior to the trip. Before her hospitalization, I was really worried that we would have to cancel the trip because she felt so bad every day. But things turned around in miraculous fashion. Half way through our trip in Maui things started slowly giving way... some nausea here and there, pain for a few hours at a time. It put temporary dampers on things, but it would get turned around and we'd end up getting to go have fun again. The last full night there, however, Van was awakened from sleep with terrible abdominal pain. Pain medicine got it under control and she finally got back to sleep. The next day, our last on the island, was completely ruined by severe nausea. She neither ate nor drank really. We had to check out at noon and we spent most of the day till 6pm sitting in the car in a parking lot hoping she'd feel better. Medicine never really helped the nausea too much. But finally time passed and the nausea improved... We made it home and since then things seemed to have continued to be "not good" but not catastrophic bad either.
She and I have both felt heavy hearted about this because we had real hopes that we had reached the end of this trial, this valley in life. We were ready for a mountain top experience. But I guess there is some more battling and struggling to do. Vanessa has been particularly down in spirit because she fears this means that she won't get to have children. This is the deepest desire she has in life. The way I look at it is this: God cared so much about our planned trip to Hawaii (meaningless in the grand scheme of things) that he miraculously and traumatically touched your body (through a terrible GI bug that seemed to rearrange her intestinal processes for the better) and restored health so we could enjoy Hawaii. HOW MUCH MORE does he care about her desire to have a family! I think we NEED to TRUST Him. He has proven himself powerful and caring.
My friend and neighbor Ted reminded me that about 4 months ago or so... I shared with him that I was begging God that I have had enough and that I couldn't handle any more and that he had to stop it. But when I look back over the last four months, they WERE WORTH IT! The amount of unselfish love that I have for my wife has just climbed exponentially! I no longer battle feelings of a "loss of my life" for my wife's sake... I am just overwhelmed in love with her! I am getting all teary eyed right now just typing it! I LOVE HER SO MUCH I CAN'T EXPLAIN!!!! I don't want another life! I want my life with her!!! NO MATTER WHAT comes our way! Abdominal pain, nausea, family/no family... NOTHING else matters! I've got MY GOD and MY WIFE and that IS ALL I NEED!!! I'M IN LOVE WITH BOTH!!! My wife's heart is the purest and she is the sweetest. And my God is the most loving for having allowed the suffering to continue to transform me and change me into the man I am now. I WAS NOT THIS MAN 4 months ago! It was worth the 4 extra months of pain that I thought I couldn't bare... God knew better, and loved me enough to let the pain do its work. I am a man, transformed. Thank you God for LOVING me!
What's next? When will Vanessa be free from this chronic problems? I don't know God... but I will trust you. I am your servant, and I love you. Thank you for loving me. Help us both to trust you more.
David
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