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The tallest snow man.

This great snow we had reminded me of a snow storm of years gone by. The year was 1997 or so... I believe I was a freshman or sophomore in college. A freshly fallen snow had inspired me. "I shall make a snowman! Taller than any snowman that anyone has ever seen!" I wanted to inspired both shock and awe. (not to be confused with Pres. Bush's war strategy)... anyhow, I would succeed. I enlisted the help of a friend and my sister and we got to work. We quickly discovered the snow wasn't so good for snowmanogenesis. Too dry. Garden hose and bucket in hand, we pressed forward. Both muscles and brains flexed, ladders and tools to "erect" the worlds tallest snowman. Once completed, we stood back and admired our handiwork. A job well done. We took pictures, posed and embraced.

Later that night my family and I returned home. Message light blinking. My dad pressed play... a disguised voice comes on the answering machine. A very Hank-Hill-esque voice says, "I just saw the worlds largest penis." Shock and awe just found me. Instantly the visions of the worlds tallest snowman took on a whole new light! I hadn't made a snowman. I had made a snowpenis! A giant 9 foot tall snowpenis! I was horrified and embarrassed... and yet I couldn't stop laughing. I went out into the night... and like grandma in her nightie, I reduced the erection to the ground with a big shove. It shriveled it up under the power of the garden hose. Death to the snowpenis!

I still laugh when I think of it.

dngilb md.

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